Leadership Capital

Written on May 12, 2023.

Through college and seminary, my wife and I jumped from rental to rental, often finding the cheapest, most functional places we could. We knew our stay was temporary, so we tried to find rentals with a 6-month lease. Until we finished up our degrees, we lived in a variety of homes. But after moving back to Florida and temporarily staying with family, we began to search for a home to purchase and live long-term.

The language of mortgage loans was frustrating for me, and I felt ill-equipped to understand it all. Underwriters and Realtors were helpful, but I wish I had more economical knowledge before running into barrier after barrier. I didn’t understand why it was difficult and time-consuming to be approved for a mortgage loan, until my underwriter explained it to me in a way I finally understood: “Caleb, this process is all about trust.”

In order to be approved to pay back a loan, the bank has to establish trust with you, by evaluating your proof of income, history, employment, family, and other factors. At some point, they’re willing to approve your request, because you’ve had time to build that valuable trust with them.

And in the same way a bank might approve your request after adequate time, you have to build trust with your church before making any major decision.

Trust-Building Takes Time

Whether you are a Replanter or Revitalization Pastor, every leader must learn how to build “Leadership Capital.” Think of Leadership Capital as stored influence you acquire over time, that you can access when you need to make leadership decisions. A tendency among new leaders is to come in, shake things up, and move quickly. You may desire to make “big changes,” to prove yourself as a leader or visionary. However, trust-building takes time, and leaders need to learn the art of building Leadership Capital. Leadership decisions must be made in great wisdom.

If you think of this illustration in financial terms, capital isn’t earned overnight. It is built over time. The rate of growth is equivalent to the time spent in earning. As a church leader, you would be hard-pressed to find a church whose members will do everything you desire the first time you ask, with no question. Church members want to know if the pitfalls, the possibilities, and the opportunities around them are worth the risk. A healthy leader will build trust with them first, before enacting major changes.

Some leadership decisions have to be done quickly. But decisions require capital, and time builds trust. Leaders normally start out with zero trust. Or, you may be building back trust that has been lost by former leadership. If a former pastor overspent their capital, it could have left the church in burnout with trust issues, and confused about how to trust a future leader.

Important and Urgent

As a church leader, you must understand the importance of discerning between things that are important and things are urgent. John Ortberg says that leadership is, “Disappointing people at a rate they can absorb.” Most leadership decisions will be met with feedback, pushback, and accountability. So before making too many decisions at once, consider Eisenhower’s Matrix:

Dwight D. Eisenhower, the 34th president of the United States, once said, “The urgent are not important, and the important are never urgent.” This matrix has been a helpful resource for many leaders. It helps you schedule your time, manage your resources, delegate others, and get rid of the things that are wasting time. Tools like this are helpful for church leaders.

Often, I will be working on several projects simultaneously, and need to write out everything on a big white board. Then, I have to list out several priorities, and delegate whenever I possibly can. And yes, there are some things that I have to look at and take an eraser to, because they are not urgent, not important, and way too time-consuming.

The main point of using a tool like this is to make leadership choices in wisdom and lead your people with effectiveness. Leaders will often experience a pace of change that is slower than what is expected.

The Value of Trust

It is so easy to get frustrated with certain groups of church members because they aren’t moving as quickly as you want. However, each time you are eating a meal with a family, sitting in a classroom, praying with someone, or even giving some counsel about a mundane decision in someone’s life, you are building valuable trust with them. Finally, when you say, “Let’s start a new ministry to our community,” they will listen to the leader who has spent adequate time with them.

A helpful recognition is our lack of capital that we have to begin with, and how quickly it runs out. It takes time to demonstrate competency, character, and display commitment and consistency with people. It also takes time to build connections with people emotionally, so that your leadership will go a longer way and yield better results.

Don’t forget that once you decide to “use” some of your capital by making a big decision, you are responsible for organizing it in such a way that you establish healthy credibility with those around you. If you delegate, delegate with the right people, and make it the best you can. Plans made like this go a much longer way than we think.

When you love people well, listen well, pastor well, and establish credibility, you are building your capital, and you can feel a greater freedom to spend it when the timing is right. Some questions to ask yourself when making a decision is: “Which of these decisions will help our church move together more holistically towards church health? Are there any of these that are barriers to church health?”

For more information on leadership decisions, check out some of our previous podcasts on this topic:

Street sign with discouragement and encourage at opposite posts

Lessons for Seasons of Discouragement

Written on May 5, 2023.

Have you ever had one of those days where it seemed like nothing you did worked out the way you thought it would? Last week, I woke up late because I fell back to sleep after my alarm went off. The set of scrubs I planned to wear had an unknown stain on them, so I had to grab another pair– which is when I realized I hadn’t taken them out of the washer the night before. I made coffee then realized we were out of coffee creamer. I resigned myself to a cup of bitter, black coffee, only to burn my mouth on it. On my way to work, my car reminded me that I had forgotten to get gas the day before and when I finally got to work, my first patient of the day was a “spicy” cat who scratched and bit me. Nothing I touched seemed to go according to plan.

By 9 am, I needed a do-over.

I think we’ve all had days like that. But what happens when those days seem to turn into weeks…or even months? When, like the Rembrandts sang, “it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year?”

In replant ministry there can be times where nothing seems to go right. What do we do when we’re in a season of discouragement?

On a recent episode of the podcast, Jimbo and Bob pointed us toward 2 Corinthians 1:10. Paul’s words to the Corinthian church give us a guide for our own seasons of frustration.

Paul’s Affliction in Asia

In Paul’s opening words to the Corinthian church, he tells them of all he has suffered since his last letter. In verse 8 he alludes to an affliction he suffered in Asia, which was so great that he “despaired of life itself.” Paul was to the point of thinking death might be the only outcome for his struggle– or at least preferable to it!

Paul could be referring to any number of trials. In Ephesus, Paul faced an angry mob, imprisonment, beatings, and general suffering. He could perhaps be referring to his “thorn in his flesh” that he discusses later in the same letter to the Corinthians (2 Cor. 12:7). We don’t know exactly which specific affliction Paul is referring to, but we know it was bad enough for him to think death was more appealing.

I would be lying if I said I hadn’t felt the same way at some points in our replant journey. I’m sure you have, too.

But Paul doesn’t give up. He tells the Corinthians that his suffering led him not to death, but instead to God, the giver of life. He was forced to rely on God and not his own power through those trials. Then Paul tells them that he was able to find peace in his suffering by looking to his past, present, and future in Christ. This instruction helps us, too.

Past Victories

Paul opens verse 10 with a look at his past. “He [has] delivered us from such a deadly peril.” Paul focused on the fact that God had delivered him before.

When we go through seasons of discouragement, one of the best reminders for us is to look back at our past victories in Christ. One of my favorite sayings is, “So far, you’ve survived 100% of your worst days.” It’s a good reminder that I’ve had other victories. There have been times where I didn’t think I could stand, but I did, and I’m still standing.

Bob used another phrase from a pastor he once knew: “If Jesus can take care of your salvation, there ain’t nothing he can’t take care of.” Christ forgave your sins. All of the trials of this world are nothing compared to Christ removing the debt of sin in our lives. But not only has He forgiven us of our sins– His death also satisfied the wrath of God so that we now have peace with God.

God has delivered you from sin. And because of this truth, we can trust in God. This moment in your ministry is not something that will stop God from moving on your behalf. After all you’ve seen God do in your life, don’t you think He’s big enough to handle your current crisis?

Present Assurance

Paul next says, “and He will deliver us.” (emphasis mine) Paul was assured that his affliction was not the end of God’s work in his life. He was able to look at his present circumstances and know that God was still working within them. He was still experiencing struggles and trials, but he saw God’s hand in them.

One of the things we forget as we struggle is that whatever we are going through is not a surprise to Jesus. There wasn’t an emergency session in the Trinity with hand-wringing and frantic scrambling to find a crisis-management plan. Your circumstances were not unforeseen by God. And since He knew what was going to happen, you can be assured that in this present moment, God has given you all that you need to get through it.

God’s deliverance doesn’t always look like we think it will. As Bob pointed out, “If God operated how we wanted him to operate, he wouldn’t be God… And we would be.” Sometimes, God’s deliverance is painful. Sometimes, it’s frightening. Sometimes, it doesn’t come as quickly as we wish. But rest assured, God will deliver.

Future Hope

In the next line of his letter to the Corinthians, Paul writes, “On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.” Paul is now looking toward the future, knowing God will deliver him again. Paul knows that struggles are not a one-time event. We are not free from struggles just because we’ve gone through one. But Paul specifically says that his hope is not in himself. His hope is in Jesus.

When we hope in our circumstances, we are engaging in a futile exercise. Our circumstances are always changing– just because today was great doesn’t mean tomorrow will be. In a world of unknown elements, Christ is our only firm foundation, the only hope we have for deliverance.

Romans 8:28 promises us that God is working all things toward good. Our suffering is not worthless. It is leading toward God’s good and sovereign plan. This is for God’s good, and for His glory. Our future seasons of discouragement are not without benefit. He will use it to sanctify and purify us. He will burn off the idolatry of self-reliance and self-centeredness. Depending on Him allows us to see His glory in our trials.

One Last Thing

In those moments where everything is going wrong, it’s easy to feel like we will never see victory again. I am sure that Paul wondered in Ephesus if he would ever be able to see the believers in Corinth or go to Rome as he had planned. But one of the things we must remember about seasons of discouragement and frustration is that they are seasons, not a lifetime.

When we are in the middle of struggles and trials, we have to think of it like Winter. Is it cold and dark and even sometimes bitter? Yes. But in that season, deep in our souls, God is planting seeds of victory. Soon, it will be Spring and we will experience new growth. Some day, we will be in Summer and we will feel the joy and warmth of God’s presence as our ministry grows and flourishes. And one day we will see a Harvest.

Inevitably, we will experience Winter again. And that is when the season we are going through now will be a past victory that brings us hope.

He has delivered. He will deliver. He will deliver us again.

The Works You Did At First (The Rise and Fall of Ephesus)

Written on April 28, 2023.

The Life Cycle of Ephesus

In the podcast this week, our team had the opportunity to have Kyle Bueermann as a guest. His thoughts on Discipleship in a Replant were helpful, and caused me to think about examples of some churches in the New Testament who neglected this important topic.

There are many churches mentioned in the New Testament that we don’t know much about. Even in Revelation, Jesus speaks directly to some churches that haven’t been introduced in Acts, and certainly don’t have their own epistles from Paul. Churches like Pergamum are noted in Revelation for holding fast to the name of Jesus and being faithful to the gospel, but we’re not sure of their history.

However, there is one Church in particular where we can see a majority of their life cycle. We know when the church was born, when they plateaued, and we can even see the church when it nears death. That church is Ephesus.

Birth, Growth, and Maturity

In AD 52, the Ephesian church was born. The first place we read about Ephesus is in Acts 18:19, where Paul begins planting gospel seeds in the synagogue and reasoning with the Jews. With the discipleship of Apollos and 12 new believers in Acts 19:1-7, this early church was born. Here are some characteristics of its first two years:

Evangelism

The birth and rapid growth of this church is nothing short of Spirit-led. The apostle spent three months persuading those in the synagogue about the Kingdom of God, and some of his disciples spent intentional time sharing the gospel in the hall of Tyrannus. And for two years, this church was responsible for spreading the gospel throughout most of Asia.

Ministry

The Holy Spirit was using Paul to heal the sick and cast out demons. His ministry was a public ministry, one in which people saw and recognized the hand of God. Because of this expulsion of darkness, Jesus’ name was extolled, evil practices were halted and repented of, and the word of the Lord continued to increase and prevail mightily (Acts 19:17-20).

Public Theology

In the public square, the city of Ephesus was home to the great Artemis. But Paul was committed to the truth of God. A silversmith, Demetrius, admitted, “…in almost all of Asia this Paul has persuaded and turned away a great many people, saying that gods made with hands are not gods.” What a testimony of reputation to the surrounding culture! Paul’s ministry of the word had caused quite the stir, and possibly potential persecution for the church. However, he held fast to the truth and did not waver.

Leadership Development

Paul was also intentional in developing leaders. In his return through Macedonia, it lists a number of men who accompanied him: Sopater, Aristarchus and Secundus, Gaius, Timothy, Tychicus and Trophimus. Paul regularly identified leaders, trained them, and appointed them to positions within the church.

Intentional Discipleship

In more quiet and intimate times, Paul spoke to church members with words of encouragement and care. He spent intentional time with them, studying the word of God, conversing with them, and bidding them a long farewell.

Confidence in his Ministry

One of the last things we see about the growth and maturity stage of this church plant were the tender words Paul spoke to the elders of the Ephesian church during his departure. He notes that he served the Lord with all humility, tears, and trials. He did not shrink from declaring anything to them from teaching in public or from house to house. After giving an encouraging word to the pastors, he admonishes them to help the weak and to give sacrificially.

Plateau

Ten years later, Paul wrote a letter to the Ephesians. When it first started, the church in Ephesus was a vibrant, growing church focused on the ministry of the word and bold evangelism. But now, in AD 62, Paul needed to remind them of the gospel truth they believed, and he also needed to call out some potential warning signs.

Paul knew that if he did not make them aware of the potential pitfalls, it was possible that their church could decline and become unhealthy. During this letter, there is no clear indication that the Ephesian church was in any kind of serious trouble, but Paul felt the need to remind them of their peripateo seven times. He was reminding them to look carefully at their conduct in life.

A Plea for Love

We first see these warning signs when Paul “urges” them to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which they have been called. The way they must do this is by genuinely loving one another. This type of love must be shown through humility, gentleness, and patience. Bearing with one another meant that love must be the focus of this ten year-old church to stay in relation to one another.

Striving for Unity

Paul also desires that they would not simply maintain, but that they would be eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace. He reminded them that there was one body, one Spirit, one hope, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, and one God and Father. Paul knew that if this church was not eager to be unified, they would very quickly be vulnerable to the enemy.

Pressing on to Maturity

Another warning sign that Paul gives is the most clear indication of healthy discipleship: maturity. God’s people are supposed to grow, and Paul wants this church to remember that they are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ (Ephesians 4:15). If this church did not press on towards maturity, they would forget the reason for their work of ministry: discipleship. Their growth in the faith had to be something they continually longed for as a church body.

Putting Sin to Death

In chapter 4:17-32, Paul gives them a list of sins to flee from. Were these indicative in the early church? We aren’t sure to what extent, but Paul found it necessary to address these particular sins: sensuality, greed, falsehood, sins of the tongue, bitterness, wrath, anger, and sexual immorality.

Getting Busy Again

Another point of responsibility for Paul to address is the issue of idleness. In other books, Paul warns against being lazy or idle in the Lord’s work. And in 5:15-17 he reminds the church of making the best use of their time. Alongside instructions to the family design, and cautioning them against spiritual warfare, Paul gives many general instructions or reminders to this church to remind them of what they should focus on in their present age.

Decline, Potential Death

Outside of a few other letters, the next time we really read about the Ephesian church is not from Luke, nor from Paul, but Jesus Christ himself in Revelation. Before the apostle John was taken up on a cloud of glory and shown glimpses of the kingdom of Heaven, Jesus had some words he wanted to share with seven churches. The first one mentioned is Ephesus.

This is 30 years later: potentially AD 95. At this point, the church is 50-60 years old, and much has happened in between Paul’s letter and Jesus’ letter. Apparently this church is commended because they are working hard, enduring until the return of Christ. They are even commended for their commitment to doctrinal purity. However, they’ve forgotten one major thing: they’ve forgotten their first love.

The church that was the powerhouse for the word of God in the AD 50s had stopped loving Jesus. They cared more about doctrine than they did the object of that doctrine. And Jesus’ rebuke is solemn: “Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.”

When Jesus said, “do the works you did at first,” what did he mean? Jesus was encouraging them to do the ministry they were doing when they first became a church. They needed a renewed zeal. They couldn’t forget the reason why they first were preaching the gospel with such boldness: because they had been saved by Jesus.

When a church forgets the basic, simple truths of the gospel, all the doctrinal purity in the world has lost its purpose. The point of theology is doxology. The reason we study is not simply to show ourselves approved, but to rightly divide the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15). And this is why discipleship is so necessary to any type of Revitalizing work.

Discipleship Has to be the Focus

In the podcast this week, Kyle Bueermann shared with the Replant Bootcamp about the necessity of discipleship in a Replant. If the Ephesian church was a church we started working with at the Association, they would be a church that had missed the first two windows of Revitalization. Even Jesus was close to removing the lampstand of the church. The lights would go off and the doors would close, because they were trying to do ministry void of a genuine love for Jesus.

We must not forget loving, growing, and maturing towards our relationship with Christ. If you are a church that is in danger of closing, my first encouragement to you would be this: start loving Jesus again. When that becomes the focus of the church, you begin to be more passionate about the gospel, and you start falling in love with your community again. But none of this is possible without an intentional focus of discipleship in your church.

If you think your church is in danger of closing, take this church health assessment. This self-assessment is meant to help assist you in determining the current state of your local church. Another way to get started is by taking an introductory course that will help anyone understand what church replanting is and how it provides hope for dying churches.

Practical Stewardship Helps

Written on April 14, 2023.

In another blog, I wrote on the “why,” behind healthy stewardship. But this week on the podcast, we learned the “how” of Stewardship with Rick Wheeler from Stewardship Simplified (Florida Baptist Financial Services). On the podcast, Rick helped us understand how a Replanter or Revitalizer who has few resources can take practical steps to manage a church well for the glory of God.

Prioritizing Our Roles

When it comes to understanding the roles and titles that many of us carry, it helps to create a distinction between our job descriptions and our role as Christ followers. Before I am an Associational Mission Strategist, and before you are a pastor, \ leader, or bi-vocational worker, you are first and foremost a follower of Christ.

As followers of Jesus Christ, we carry roles that take predominance over our job titles. For example, Paul tells us in Colossians the primary roles of those who have “been raised with Christ” (3:1-14).

I reference this because as Christ-followers, we must understand what it means to be a steward, even before we seek to become the best pastors, leaders, and teachers that we can be. The title of “Steward,” has biblically been given to you as a follower of Christ, before becoming a pastor. I can say this with certainty simply due to the qualifications that Paul gives to Timothy and Titus in 1 Timothy 3:4-5. Paul addresses the topic of stewardship when he says, “He must manage (steward) his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?”

This is why the topic of stewardship is so important for us to understand. Before Paul gives Timothy “Instructions for the Church,” (1 Timothy 5:1-25) he gives the “Qualifications for Overseers” (1 Timothy 3:1-7).

Insights for Practical Stewardship

Stewardship is not simply money management. As Rick said, stewardship is not about fund-raising, but Jesus following. Stewardship is the God-honoring management of resources as an obedient and a faithful disciple of Jesus. The Bible talks about stewardship and money in almost 2,350 verses, and in 11 parables, Jesus deals with money in some way or fashion. However, as biblically important as this topic is, many people know so little about it.

Preach and Teach Regularly on Stewardship

I personally know some pastors who joke around about having a “tithing sermon” once a year where they talk about giving. But if the Bible talks about it so much, shouldn’t we? The reason why this topic is so important is because stewardship is related to the first commands that God gave to humanity. He told Adam and Eve to “Fill the earth and have dominion over it…” (Gen. 1:28). God wanted Man and Woman not to just multiply and fill the earth, but to have some type of control or management over what He was giving to them.

This act of love from God theologically sparks my interest because from this one command flows the rest of creation’s responsibilities. Even when they were banished from the garden, their role remained. Yet, it was now marred with sin and broken. Only through Christ can we recognize the best way to steward: for God’s glory. Preach and teach regularly on the topic of stewardship, because we have a short life on Earth and we are called to manage it, and all our resources well. If we do this, we will make the conversation normative in our churches.

Ensure Appropriate Control and Accountability

If you trace back a church’s factors of decline and look into their history, you’ll find that most churches have had arguments related to finances. Churches in our community have had major church splits due to preference on managing finances. Often, these conflicts occur because there was inappropriate control over those finances. Dual control means that any time finances are being handled or dealt with, you have at least two sets of eyes on it. Checks have two signatures, and all the way through the financial process there are multiple eyes on the movement of money.

A team at our Association had to look into a church that had closed down several years ago and what we found in its history and in interviews from former members was uncanny. The church had two CD’s (Certificate of Deposits) worth about $20,000. The church badly needed a new A/C system throughout the church, but at that time, the secretary was forcibly removed (through a secret church vote) due to a manipulating church member. Then, when someone else stepped into the role ofa secretary, she and her husband decided to use that $20,000 to buy a new tractor to keep on the church property. WOW! Yes, this is a true story. And yes, this could have been avoided if there was dual control, with multiple eyes on the movement of money.

Bring in an Outside Voice

Another thing that can help is to bring in an outside voice to help work with your church and provide some training and resources. Thankfully, there are people who do this type of work professionally, and have a lot to bring to the table. As a pastor, you are also the handler of a 501(c)(3). This doesn’t have to be complicated, if you’re willing to bring in some help. These outside voices can help assist your church in setting policies and practices, and some can even analyze your budget and provide recommendations. I’ll list some financial resources at the bottom of this page for more information.

Communicate Structure to your Congregation

As a leader, one way to help communicate with your congregation is by setting some time in place where they can hear about these structures. When I was a member at Imago Dei Church in Raleigh, we would have monthly Member’s Meetings. During these Sunday-afternoon meetings, we would welcome new members, celebrate ministries in the church, do any business related to church discipline, and also have a financial report. The way the financial report was communicated was exciting, because the pastors brought a lot of zeal to our meeting. This is a great way to regularly communicate with your church.

Another way to do that is in a New Member’ class at your church. For new church members to understand the function and mission of the church, they also need to understand how their church functions not just as a ministry, but as an organization. Take significant time in your New Members’ class to go over your financial structure.

Understand Your Budget

The last way you can apply practical stewardship in your church is by helping members understand the function of a budget. So many have misconceptions about the budget. According to Rick, your budget should be a goal, a guess, and a guide. A goal: your budget is something you are leaning toward. We have to intentionally make our budget faith-oriented, and know that our largest expenditures are ministry-related. A guess: your budget should not be set in stone to the point where flexibility is impossible. There should be some leeway in your policies for the budget to be adjusted as needs come available. Lastly, a guide. The budget helps you know your boundaries and it serves as a guide. But overall, your budget should not be a god. Don’t make an idol out of your budget, but use it to benefit the ministry of the church.

For more information on this topic and to check out Stewardship Simplified, click here. For years, Dave Ramsey has been a leading voice on finances not only for regular Christian living, but for church assistance. See this page for information on solutions for a church with a lower budget. There are a myriad of financial resources online, but my encouragement would be to touch base with your Associational Director, or connect with NAMB resources for help and ideas.

The Church Dies Without Discipleship (Part 1)

Written on March 25, 2023.

Note: This is Part 1 in a 2-Part series on Barriers to Discipleship.

All Revitalization is Discipleship

During a conference, I heard Bob Bickford say, “All Revitalization is Discipleship.” At first, I didn’t know what that statement meant. I had read a lot of books on revitalization, and discipleship is always a part, but it sounded like he was boiling down discipleship to be the main factor in all church revitalization.

But the more I thought about it and worked with churches, the more that I discovered that statement to be true. No, discipleship is not the only thing involved in a church revitalization, but it certainly is the underlying factor.

How can this be true? Consider what discipleship is and what happens in a declining church. Is a Church not declining in numbers because in some way, they have failed to continue growing and maturing in Christ? Perhaps the conversation of “discipleship” has become boring for many. In 1980, Eugene Peterson wrote a book called A Long Obedience in the Same Direction. This classic book on Discipleship was originally rejected by 17 publishers. It wasn’t “new” or “exciting” enough, but it was a needed book, rooted in the realities of the Christian life.

I was working with a church recently that has gone down to about 10 people, whereas 40 years ago, they were averaging closer to 80. After our team met with theirs, we saw one of the most glaring reasons why. The church has had one baptism since 2005, that’s one baptism in the past 17 years.

The church was not reaching their community, they were not doing evangelism, they had become stagnant where they were. But discipleship beckons a life of following Christ, continually. And just as God sanctifies believers, he also sanctifies his church. In Philippians 2:12, Paul says to “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.” This means that there is something on our part when it comes to working out this faith in our lives. God sanctifies us, but we also have a part to play.

The same can be said true of our local church. When we stop growing in Christlikeness, we begin to fall apart. It’s true in our life as much as it is in the church.

And Luke 9:23, Jesus gives us a good definition of Discipleship. He says “If anyone wants to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me.”

This type of denial means that we sacrifice our desires, our wants, and our preferences, for the sake of following Jesus. This verse implies something that Paul picks up on later on in Galatians. That is that our desires (in the flesh) are actually set at odds with God’s desires. And that the desires of the flesh are against the desires of the spirit (Gal. 5:17).

This denial of self must be practiced in our churches, if we desire to grow in Christ.

Still in following Jesus, we face many barriers along the way. But it’s difficult to overcome those barriers when we can’t define them. Thankfully, Walker Armstrong was a guest on the podcast this week and gave several ways we can identify barriers to discipleship. Think about these closely, and seek to identify them in your own church.

Barriers to Discipleship

#1. Human Ego

In the book, The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness, Tim Keller quotes Paul in 1 Corinthians 4:3, “But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself.” Keller argues that this was a totally unnatural view of self. Quite frankly, one needs the Holy Spirit to think of himself this way. It’s not that Paul thought of himself less, it’s that he didn’t think of himself at all.

Human Ego naturally gets in the way of everything God wants to do in us and through us. When we think too highly of ourselves, it prohibits us from growing in our relationship with Christ. Likewise, in a church that wants to revitalize, the pastor, leaders, and members must do all they can to humble themselves and realize that it is not all about their image or reputation. If the end goal of a Church Revitalization is a changed trajectory of a congregation’s spiritual life, that begins by following Christ’s plan for his church again. It won’t happen until we deny ourselves.

Just to recenter and focus back on its origins, it helps to ask this question: “Who does the Church belong to?” Here is Jesus’ claim: “I will build my church, and the gates of hell will not prevail against it” (Matt. 16:18). In Colossians 1:18, who is the head of the body, the church? Who is the chief shepherd that gives the crown of glory in 1 Peter 5:4? In Revelation 2:1, who is it that holds in his hand the seven stars and walks among the golden lampstands? The name of Jesus Christ is on the deed of our churches. And no affidavit can transfer that title to us.

Paul said in Philippians that you must “have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus…” and he explains how Jesus emptied himself, became a servant, and humbled himself to the point of death on a cross. Jesus could have brought all attention to himself and escaped the accusations of religious leaders and Roman authority. Instead, he willingly brought himself low, and as a result, He is now exalted.This is the type of humility we are to have in a Church Revitalization or Replant. This humility actively denies self for the greater purpose of exalting Christ.

#2. Spiritual Consumerism

Another great barrier to real discipleship in a church is spiritual consumerism. The past generation has seen a wave of church growth techniques and resources to help churches grow a mile wide in numbers, but often an inch-deep in spiritual maturity. The sentiment is often to “get people’s foot in the door,” and immediately engage them with entertainment. Draw them in, and allow people to slowly learn about the love of God and the gospel.

I do not want to be too cynical. There are surely good and meaningful tips that can come from this advice. Many walk in the doors of church with aesthetically pleasing decor, catchy music, and a pastor with the latest clothing line and shoes. Some would never walk in the door of a smaller church because of personal preference. Indeed, some churches are “fishers” and some are “catchers,” to use a fishing analogy. I believe it can even be helpful to have a sanctuary and music that is appealing, an enjoyable worship experience, and a place for plenty of activities and events for kids and students.

But if a church is more focused on production and entertainment than spiritual maturity and depth, the numerical growth can be more of an unfortunate illusion. Churches that use entertainment as a replacement for gospel-saturated discipleship are not going and making disciples, they are going and appealing to consumers.

Where did this model come from? It did not come from New Testament Church principles, but American Culture. If we look at how the New Testament church grew, we see that it grew by adding and by multiplying. (1) How did the Jerusalem church go from 120 persons to over 5,000 (Acts 2:41, 4:4)? It was simply the clarity of the gospel, the power of the Holy Spirit, and the favor of God’s hand. People got saved, and immediately were brought into the church family. (2) How did the New Testament Church multiply? They multiplied by being committed to the word of God, and by being obedient to the faith (Acts 6:7). This is what biblical discipleship looks like: commitment to the word and obedience in the faith. In Matthew 28:20, Jesus says, “teach them to observe everything I have commanded them.”

Spiritual Consumerism is dangerously close to prosperity-gospel theology. The method of easy-believism is to have people believe in you or appreciate you at a superficial level by tickling their appetite with things that appeal to the eye. But pure charisma and entertainment can not turn a dying church around. I would venture to even say that the growth that often takes place in churches like this creates the illusion of God-glorifying life and vibrancy. When in actuality, it exposes the difference between a believer and a disciple. Anyone can believe in God, even the demons do (James 2:19). But where are the followers? The disciples?

Perhaps a litmus test is necessary to determine whether or not a church is focused on biblical discipleship or spiritual consumerism. As Paul said in Galatians 6:7, “whatever one sows, that he will also reap.” Therefore, we can determine the main focus of a church based on the type of disciple that this church produces. Believers who come to church to be entertained and leave with no life change have been visiting a church that is more focused on production than the gospel. But a disciple who not only hears the word of God, but does it, and one who is actively growing in Christlikeness, is part of a disciple-making church.

#3. Organizational Complexity

This may be one of the most important, practical barriers to overcome, especially in a re-plant situation. Every church has a few sacred cows, programs and ministries that they’ve held onto for years.

I remember attending a church once, and there was a new member class afterwards. I decided to go out of curiosity to see what the church was about. For a couple of hours I learned all about the different ministries and programs of the church, but I never once heard what was the mission or the vision of the church itself. I left with a great confusion about everything that the church offered, but never understood the purpose or driving force of this particular church body.

I believe this type of problem persists in many churches that have focused on programs and ministries. For many years, oftentimes without remembering the reason why they first began, churches added ministries on top of ministries. But in a replant or revitalization, simplicity is key. With organizational structure, the best thing a revitalizing church can do is get to its bare bones and focus on fellowship, worship, evangelism, discipleship, and unity.

We understand it can be difficult to recommend changes like this. However, it is important for the church to understand the complexity of structure. Would we rather run 12 ministries decently, or run 4 ministries extremely well? How can we be most effective and fruitful for the Kingdom of God? These are questions for churches to ponder.

There are other barriers to discipleship in a church, but I will give some others in a “Part 2.” If you think your church is in danger of closing, take this church health assessment. This self-assessment is meant to help assist you in determining the current state of your local church. Another way to get started is by taking an introductory course that will help anyone understand what church replanting is and how it provides hope for dying churches.

Ministry for the Layman

Written on February 24, 2023.

Correcting a Common Misconception

For most of my life, I believed that the word “ministry” was only defined by the spiritually elite among us who go to Bible College and seminary and get degrees and names on a piece of paper. When I attended the Baptist College of Florida, my idea of ministry was solely vocational. I came to understand something my freshman year of Bible college. Preparing for ministry wasn’t about getting paid and starting a career. Ministry is the activity of God’s work for every believer. I was taught how to be a missionary in everyday life, outside of being a “pastor.” I realized that ministry is not just for vocational leaders. It’s for every saint.

At its foundation, I had a misconception of the role of a pastor. I thought he did all the work of ministry. After all, isn’t that what he gets paid for? Our society reassures this thought process with the American system of vocation: you only do the work you get paid for. If I worked a maintenance job and was fixing the A/C at a store, and they asked me to go to the front and ring up customers, I’d be surprised at the question. I would say, “I don’t get paid for that.”

But God’s economy and the role of the church is a bit different from our American system of vocation. Pastors and leaders haven’t always done a complete job explaining the role of church members and ministry for all the saints. Also, some lay members have bought into a lie in the American church today: we pay people to do the work of the ministry so we don’t have to. This has resulted in the inactivity of members for the work of ministry. In order for us to grasp what ministry looks like for the layman, we must first ask the question, “What is the role of the pastor?”

Equipping the What?

Let’s look at a familiar passage of scripture where Paul talks about the role of a pastor and the members, or “saints.” Ephesians 4:11-13 says,

“11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.”

Question 1: Did God call pastors, teachers, evangelists to lead in the body of Christ? Yes, absolutely. But he called them for a purpose: that they would equip the saints for the work of ministry and build up the body of Christ. Based on this simple passage of scripture, I believe a pastor has two major roles: (1) to equip the saints for ministry and (2) to encourage the saints (building up the body).

Question 2: So, is the pastor supposed to do the work of ministry? The answer to that is yes. But not just because he is a pastor. It’s because he, also, is a “saint.” Other passages of scripture talk about the role of a pastor as it relates to the work of ministry. See Acts 20:28, 1 Timothy 3:1-16, 2 Timothy 4:2, Hebrews 13:17, and 1 Peter 5:1-14. However, there is a lot of overlap between the ministry of every saint and the ministry of a pastor, such as the “Ministry of Reconciliation” in 2 Cor. 5:16-20.

Some would object. Question 3: “Isn’t ‘saint’ talking about extra-spiritual and super-religious Christians?” No, my friends. The word “Saint” refers to every born-again believer who has been saved from their sin and in relationship with God. 1 Peter 2:9-10 says,

“9 But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. 10 Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.”

The reason we are called “saints” is not because of our righteous acts, but because of what Jesus did on our behalf. He died to make us a holy, set apart people. That is what the word “saint” means.

Pastors, Use Your People

“I’ll just do it myself,” is a common phrase we hear ourselves say, especially serving in a Replant or Revitalization. No matter what our misbelief is about church members, we think it would just be better if we did it on our own. But if we are called to equip the saints, this means we have to let go of some of our control and give others the opportunity to lead in a variety of ways.

In the process, we may find out that there are some lay members who are gifted, skilled, and adequately able to do far more than we can. God has spiritually gifted each member in some type of way, and it’s our responsibility to help members engage with God’s work both in and outside of our churches.

I am not a Replant pastor, and I’m not in a leadership position at my church right now, other than teaching a Connect Group. As an Associational Leader I work with the churches and pastors in our area. We have a Church Development Team at the Association. This team has gone through the Replant Training together, and none of the 5 members we have on the team are pastors. Instead, we have an engineer, and superintendent of a shipyard, a pastoral-intern, an artist, and a stay-at-home mother.

What does God require of those he uses for His glory? Skill-set? Ability? No, God desires to use those who make themselves available for His great kingdom work.

Let Go and Let Them Lead

While it may require some oversight at first, pastors should feel comfortable letting go and letting lay members lead in different areas. There are times where church leaders feel the need to wear every hat in the church, sit in on every committee, and have a voice in every church matter. This type of micromanaging is more harmful than you realize. It’s time to step back and allow others to manage different areas.

A Replant or Revitalization may not have the funds to hire someone who is a seminary-trained, ordained pastor. The usage of laity is essential. As church leaders, we need to recapture what it means to help members identify their spiritual gifts, and put them to work…which is a different blog for a different day. Use lay leaders in children’s ministry. Use lay leaders in youth ministry. Use lay leaders in worship ministry. Use lay leaders in missions and outreach. Use lay leaders as greeters, ushers, and partners in ministry.

Martin Robinson, former president of Formission College, once said, “A missionary church cannot rely on the professional ministry for the primary work of mission. The role of the laity is critical because it is the lay members of the church who have the greatest contact with those who are outside of the normal structures of church life. In such a situation the task of clergy is not so much to engage in mission themselves, as to support the laity in their mission.”

Integrity in Leadership- Part Five of the Godly Leadership Series

Written on February 20, 2023.

This is part five of a series of five on the characteristics of Godly leaders. Part one, Humility, can be found here, Part two, Goodwill, can be found here, Part Three, Empathy, can be found here, and Part Four, Respect, can be found here.

For the past five weeks, we have studied the traits of a Godly leader and the qualities we must have to fulfill God’s calling. This week, we end the series with a characteristic that builds on the other four: Integrity. Integrity is the direct result of having humility, goodwill, empathy, and respect for others– but without integrity, none of the others will do any good.

Failure to Stand

In structural engineering, one of the most important aspects of architecture and building is structural integrity. Without it, a building can be destroyed if a disaster strikes.

In Ancient Rome, an entrepreneur named Atilius set about to build a new amphitheater for patrons to watch gladiator competitions. Atilius was wealthy but opted for a quick and cheap construction. At its completion in 27 AD, the Fidenae Amphiteater was set to hold 50,000 spectators– but due to its lack of structural integrity, the amphitheater collapsed under the weight, resulting in the deaths of over 20,000 people. The integrity couldn’t support the demand.

As replant pastors, we must remember that a lack of integrity won’t show up in the good times of growth and revival. As Carey Nieuwhof writes, “‘Normal’ doesn’t really test your integrity. Crises do. But when a crisis comes, it’s often too late to fix what’s wrong. The damage is happening in real-time.” This is the problem with a lack of integrity– you won’t know you lack it until you need it.

Godly Integrity

Thankfully, God is not silent when it comes to this subject. God’s word speaks directly to the topic of integrity so that we can remain “structurally intact” in times of crisis.

In Matthew 5:37, Jesus tells us, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.” In Proverbs 10:9, Solomon reminds us, “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out. And again in Proverbs 11:3, we read, “The integrity of the upright guides them, but the crookedness of the treacherous destroys them.” Both Job and David are praised by God for their integrity and their uprightness. In Titus 2:6-8, Paul reminds Titus to “Show [himself] in all respects to be a model of good works, and in [his] teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say” about them.

Imperatives for Integrity

There are five imperatives to be a leader with integrity. When we look at these, we have to be willing to examine ourselves and see where we are lacking. Without that examination, we run the very real risk that the next crisis will be the one that exposes our weakness.

Authenticity: As Bob pointed out on the podcast, this word may need a bit of reclamation. Often when someone says they are “being authentic” today, what they typically mean is that they are comfortable with their sin. There is a lack of conviction that allows them to sink to their base level, whether that means using foul language regularly or being too rude in their speech. At our core, we are sinful people, so if being “authentic” means that you aren’t allowing God’s conviction to change you, it’s time to remind yourself that you are still being sanctified. If we look at what it means to be “authentic” in the biblical sense, it means you can be “authenticated” as to your ownership. When people walk away from their encounters with you, do they feel you represented Christ to them? Can they tell that God is the author of your life? Is there evidence to show that you belong to Him? Are you marked by the fruits of the spirit listed in Galatians 5?
Consistency: Maya Angelou has a great quote on consistency. She said, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” It really speaks to the idea that we need to accept what people show us through their behavior. But the inverse is true, as well– we are showing our teams and our congregations who we are through our behavior, too. If you are habitually late to meetings, what you’ve displayed is that you don’t value your team’s time. If you consistently fail to respond to messages or to do what you say you will, then you’ve shown others that you aren’t dependable and they shouldn’t rely on you. When you act differently at your vocational job than you do in the pulpit, your reputation is tarnished and you seem inauthentic to others. A leader with integrity is consistent with his behavior.
Tell the truth: This seems self-explanatory, but a leader with integrity has to tell the truth. Like our structural engineering example, if our foundation can’t be trusted, we will fall. All of us have heard stories of pastors whose private life proved their public persona to be a lie. While they preached a good Word, they lived a lie of infidelity and abuse. Lying erodes trust. If you can’t be trusted to tell the truth, then you can’t be trusted to lead well. When you lie, you encourage other people to lie to you, as well. Telling the truth keeps you accountable to others.
Seeks feedback: A leader with integrity is looking for ways to grow and change. They never see themselves as the smartest person in the room, because they know that everyone has blind spots to things. By definition, a blind spot is something you can’t see yourself, you must ask others to help you. Proverbs 12:1 tells us, “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.” (Don’t get mad at me, God said it.) Leaders with integrity look for accountability. I have a small circle of people that I trust to challenge me and help me grow. Any one of those people have access and authority in my life to tell me when I’m headed in the wrong direction.
Trustworthiness: If you look back at our journey through the five characteristics of Godly leaders and the five imperatives that go with each one, you will find that they all add up to this final character trait, being trustworthy. Can your church trust you? Can your spouse? Can your team? You may think immediately, yes, of course, but can I challenge you? Ask them. Ask them if they feel that you are trustworthy. Do they feel that you have the integrity you need to withstand the strong winds and weight of a crisis? Do they feel that they are safe with you as the leader? (If they are too scared to answer the question, then they have answered the question.)

Summing it Up

As we’ve studied the five characteristics of a Godly leader, we can see how each builds on the next. The fruit of godly leadership is best summed up by Ephesians 4:1-3. Paul says, “I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness (goodwill toward others), with patience (empathy for others), bearing with one another in love (respecting others), eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit (integrity) in the bond of peace.” (ESV, italics mine)

When we look at these traits, we may be quick to assume we are doing well in each of them. But I encourage you to remember that a crisis for your church may only be one phone call away. There is too much to lose to take these imperatives lightly. We are in a battle for eternity, and when the battle gets intense, will we be left standing?

The Pitfalls of “Personality” Leadership

Written on February 17, 2023.

Pride in Leadership

Recently, I began reading a book that has been deeply convicting my soul. The more that I read it, the more evidence I see in my own life of areas that I need to change…that I need the Holy Spirit to change me. This book is called The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness by Timothy Keller. In the book, he defines our culture’s incessant need for the inflation of our own ego, and talks about how the path to true Joy in the Christian life is one of humility and repentance of pride.

In this book, Keller defines our ego as empty, painful, busy, and fragile. The solution to an over-inflated sense of self worth is having a transformed view of yourself that only comes by the saving power of the Gospel and walking daily with God through the power of the Holy Spirit.

This led me on a study through James where I have been teaching/preaching/writing over the past several weeks. And trust me, the podcast this week was just the icing on the cake. If we as pastors, leaders, ministers, etc. think that we can lead from the power of our own personality and ideas, void of the Spirit of God, we will accomplish nothing for God’s glory.

I believe that pride is the root of all sin. This is because all sin is self-seeking behavior, and all flesh is affected by sin in the world. We naturally have an inclination to inflate ourselves, exalt ourselves, and worship ourselves. This not only carries into our everyday lives, but also into our leadership positions. And I believe that pride is at the very root of the podcast episode this week: “Leading Beyond the Force of Personality.”

Sole-Dependence on Skills and Abilities

One of the characteristics of a productive organization is a charismatic leader. But it can also be a major pitfall. Organizations that are built solely on the personality of one person are not only problematic, but they are seriously dangerous. Last summer, I listened to another podcast, The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill. It’s a podcast that documents the rise of Mars Hill church to prominence and influence, but also the falling apart of the church after a series of bad leadership decisions. When this podcast first aired, it stirred up a lot of conversation about church leadership.

Some who were a part of the Mars Hill family only had good things to say about their time as members. Many more ended up leaving the church because of unhealthy leadership, bad relationships, loss of gospel standards, and a lack of clear communication. Some people were hurt because of an abuse of power. Listening to the podcast is a tragic story about how hard a church can fall when they have built their whole structure around one man’s personality.

The reason why this type of leadership can result in failure is frankly because of the sin and pride in our hearts. Trying to lead solely based on our own personality is like telling God “I don’t need you,” while spending every moment wondering how a decision will impact your image. When this happens, we grow too dependent on ourselves and less dependent on God. Consider John the Baptist rephrasing his statement, like this: “He must decrease, I must increase!”

But we must remember what the word of God says: “Everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted” (Luke 14:11).

Pitfalls of “Personality” Leadership

We all have a distinct personality that has been given to us by God. It naturally flows out of us as we make decisions and meet people where we are. Our personality is not a bad thing. However, our personality can sometimes get in the way of leading from a healthy place. Leadership by personality alone is not sustainable. And while you may have a great personality that is approachable, lively, and full of charisma, people can often feel diminished by the strength of your disposition.

Unfortunately, this type of leadership is the main reason for pastoral burnout. When we fail to incorporate others in decision making and lead from a position of narcissism (“I can do it myself”), we think that the success of our church or organization is dependent on our identity and persona. This is an interesting thought process, and one that comes from the flesh. Leading solely from our personality is so clearly wrong that the results are painfully obvious. Crashing and burning is just around the corner. We know in scripture that we may water and plant seeds, but who is it that gives the growth? God alone, friends.

Here is a better alternative: we should humble ourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he will lift us up. Let the Spirit lead us, because the Spirit of God knows much more about how to honor God, than we do. The spirit is willing! The flesh is weak.

One of the books I continually refer to is called Replenish, by Lance Witt. In the book, Witt sums up my thoughts by saying this:

“We have neglected the fact that the pastor’s greatest leadership skill is a healthy soul. Our concentration on scale and technique and strategy has resulted in de-emphasizing the interior life. The outcome is an increasing number of men in women leading our churches who are emotionally empty and spiritually dry. It is the story of a neglected soul and mismanaged character. Of a slow drift into relational isolation. Of being seduced by ambition. These leaders didn’t intend for it to happen, but somewhere along the journey they stopped paying attention to what was going on inside of them. The shift was incremental and at times imperceptible.” (p. 19)

For God’s Glory Alone

You can use skills, abilities, and personality in your leadership position for God’s glory! But I think that doing this is easier said than done. It requires that we lay down our own ambition and pride, and we lead from a place of humility. Here is the biblical precedent for it: 1 Cor. 7:17, “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him.” For what purpose? To what end? “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all the glory of God” (1 Cor. 10:31). If you want to lead from a place of humility, here are some practical ways we can do just that.

#1. Make much of Jesus in every leadership decision. Share about Him often, and make sure the mission or goal of your church reflects the mission of Jesus Christ. It’s about Him, not us! If we walk by the Spirit, we will not gratify the desires of our flesh.

#2. Remind yourself daily that the church is not “your” church and the ministry you serve is not “your ministry.” We are shepherds and stewards; Jesus is the owner.

#3. Work hard at praising others, not yourself. It’s better to be an encourager, not an overbearing manager.

#4. Be interested in others, and incorporate others into your decision making while taking a general care in their lives.

#5. Don’t isolate, stay in touch with the people who are surrounding you in this ministry. God has put them there for a reason.

#6. Have regular, open accountability with others about your personal pitfalls.

#7. Remind yourself daily of the gospel and its impact on your life.

Cautions…About You

Always be Self-Aware

Look at the people around you. If there aren’t many, look at your wife and your family. Then, ask the hard questions. What are some ways that I’ve been slacking lately? Do you see any selfish ambition or pride in me? Can you help me see things about myself that I cannot see?

Always be Socially-Aware

How do your decisions affect other people involved in your ministry? Could it be said that you do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, and count others more significant than yourself? This caution is meant to cause us to look outwards, towards those around us.

Know when to Self-Regulate

One of the greatest things you can do as a leader is understand how and when to pull back and let others take the lead.

To lead with humility, a good rule of thumb is to take Paul’s words on humility and put them in the context of leadership. I’ll paste the words here from Philippians 2:1-8

“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

For more information on this topic, see the books I referenced: The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness, Designed to Lead, and Replenish. See this week’s podcast episode here.

Respect in Leadership- Part Four of the Godly Leadership Series

Written on February 13, 2023.

R-e-s-p-e-c-t

This is part four of a series of five on the characteristics of Godly leaders. Part one, Humility, can be found here, Part two, Goodwill, can be found here, and Part Three, Empathy, can be found here.

My husband started his ministry as a Youth Pastor. We loved working with youth. We found them to be hungry for the Gospel and for truth, and we genuinely enjoyed their goofy immaturity, especially as they tried so hard to be “adults.” We learned so much from the youth we served, but one lesson specifically sticks with us: the difference between positional authority and relational authority.

In positional authority, you have a person’s respect because of your position in their life. As adults, we are used to this authority because most of us have employers who are in the position to speak authoritatively in our lives. Many of us were also raised by parents who expected this type of respect. But in this generation, there is more value placed on relational authority, where a person’s respect is based on your relationship to them. You can’t speak authoritatively in their life unless they value your relationship with them.

We had many adults who volunteered in youth ministry who felt that the youth would respect them because they were parents or teachers, or simply because they were older– positional authority. But what we found is that teenagers responded much better to relational authority. We could earn their respect and the ability to speak truth in love to them when we had a relationship with them. Without it, we were just another adult annoying them with rules and expectations.

Watching this generational switch showed us something: leaders have to show respect to others before they can ever earn the respect of others.

Find Out What it Means to Me

Thankfully, God is not silent on the issue of respecting others. In Romans 12:10, Paul tells us that not only are we to love one another, we should “outdo one another in showing honor.” (ESV, italics mine) We are to respect each other more and more, almost as though respecting each other is a competition we are seeking to win. In 1 Peter, Peter tells us we must respect not only the good and gentle, but also the unjust (1 Peter 2:16-18). And in Matthew 22, Jesus himself instructs us that the greatest commandment is to love God, but the second is to love your neighbor as yourself.

Mankind is made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27), so when we are respecting others and honoring them, we are respecting Him. Thus the inverse is true– when we disrespect others, we have disrespected the image of God in them. This goes not only for how we treat people with our actions, but especially how we treat people with our words. Ephesians 4 reminds us that we are called to “bear with one another” in an effort to always strive toward unity. When we disrespect others through gossip or slander, we have failed to speak only what is “good for building up” and what gives grace to those who hear us. We must remember that respecting someone isn’t just about our treatment of them when they are around us, it’s also how we speak about them when they aren’t present.

Take Care (TCB)

In case you can’t tell, I haven’t been able to write this blog post without Aretha Franklin demanding respect in my head. I have always wondered what “TCB” meant, and after doing some research I found out it was her shorthand for “take care of business.” So here’s where we as leaders take care of the business of respecting others. There are five imperatives that we must follow if we are going to show the respect to others that we must as Godly leaders.

Honor Others– When someone leaves a conversation with you, do you think they felt honored? Did you respect them as a fellow Christ bearer? Did you treat them with kindness or did you dismiss them with arrogance? A leader who shows respect to others will seek to serve others. How are you serving your team?
Open Communication– Be intentional about how you speak to others. Your words have power, so what are they saying? Are you respectful in how you speak to people? In a recent podcast, Bob pointed out that honoring someone can even mean speaking in a way that honors their expectations toward change. While a visionary leader may want to say, “Let’s do XYZ,” someone who respects others will say, “What do you think about XYZ?” Communicating in a way that honors the opinions of those around you is a way to show that you respect their ideas.
Disagree Productively– While you will certainly have times that you disagree with people, respecting them means that you remember the end goal is always unity. Romans 14 and 15 give us Godly ways to disagree with someone without disrespecting them. Instead of responding to disagreements with personal attacks, we need to ask questions and seek to understand why the other person sees it differently.
Help Others Win– When we respect others, we value what they value. We don’t merely cheer them on, we actively encourage them, assisting in their ideas and goals where we can. We get excited when they win, not jealous or bitter. We respect their passions and hobbies. We show up for them.
Express Gratitude– The people you serve in your congregation aren’t there because they have to be. While you do have positional authority as the Pastor, you must also cultivate relational authority by remembering that they have chosen to be a part of the church family that God is creating. You respect that choice by being grateful for them and for their contributions. Express that gratitude in various ways– not just verbally, but in writing or in small tokens of appreciation.

Respect- Just a Little Bit

George Foreman once wrote, “Without appreciation and respect for other people, true leadership becomes ineffective, if not impossible.” It’s not enough to merely have positional authority as Godly leaders. We must build relationships on mutual respect to be able to be effective leaders who can speak the truth (in love) to our congregations. We must learn to treat others the way we want to be treated, giving them grace and honoring their story.

Leaders who lead from a place of authority lead people to fear them more than respect them. True respect comes when a team can come together as a family and can acknowledge each person’s value within it, even when they disagree.

For further reading on Respect as a Godly Leader, see Designed to Lead by Erik Geiger, this episode of the Replant Bootcamp podcast, and this article on the need for Pastors to respect their congregations.

Empathy in Leadership- Part Three of the Godly Leadership Series

Written on February 6, 2023.

Empathy

This is part two of a series of five on the characteristics of Godly leaders. Part one, Humility, can be found here, and Part two, Goodwill, can be found here.

Have you ever taken a spiritual gifts test? I took one early in my spiritual journey. While I was excited that I scored well for the gifts of exhortation and teaching, I was shocked to realize I scored very low in mercy and empathy. Out of a possible 100 points, I scored a FOUR in the gift of mercy. A FOUR. It doesn’t take a math wiz to realize that a 4 out of 100 would be a failing score on any test.

I asked a mentor if she could help me understand how I could be gifted at exhortation (insinuating that I am an encourager by nature) but score so low in mercy and empathy and she put it this way:

Two people are walking one day and see a third person stuck in a deep pit. The person gifted in exhortation calls down and says, “Hey! How’d you get stuck in this pit?” The person answers, “I’m not sure. I’m just here and can’t get out!” The Encourager says, “Hang on! I can help! I’m going to go get a ladder so we can get you out!” When she comes back with the ladder, two people are in the pit. She calls down, “Hey! Why did you get in the pit with them?” And the other person says, “Well, I saw they were alone and I knew I could help by sitting with them in the dark.”

My mentor said, “You are the person getting the ladder. You have sympathy and want to fix the problem. But the person who crawls into the pit with them? That person has empathy.”

I knew I needed to develop better empathy skills if I wanted to lead like Jesus. In a recent Replant Bootcamp podcast episode, JimBob discussed this invaluable characteristic of a Godly leader and the difference it can make in the life of a replant pastor.

The Definition of Empathy

There is pushback in some circles toward the idea of “empathy” toward others in a pastoral context. We seem to sometimes equate it with “acceptance” of a person’s actions. Unfortunately, this not only mis-defines empathy, it misses an important aspect of mercy in our ministry to others. Empathy, by definition, is not ignoring the actions that brought someone to where they are– it is putting yourself in their shoes and feeling their pain as though it were your own.

Some of us have also equated empathy with sympathy. But, again, we miss the definition of both when we conflate the two. Sympathy says, “I’m sorry this is happening to you.” Empathy says, “I am with you in this pain and this is happening to us.” Sympathy allows you a lesser sense of involvement because it allows you to stay removed from the pain of another person.

A third definition is helpful here, too, when we look at empathy. Compassion is empathy in action. You are so motivated by the pain of someone else that it moves you toward action. This response can be difficult for those of us who were never shown compassion from our parents. If the reply to your pain was an exasperated parent saying, “Well if you hadn’t done XYZ, then this wouldn’t have happened.“ Or “get over it. You’re fine,” you are going to find it very difficult to come to a place of empathy with others. Likewise, if you had a very emotional parent who made your pain more about them than about you, you will likely have a hard time dealing with being empathetic toward someone else’s emotional pain. You have not had empathy modeled for you, so it will be hard to understand why you need to give it to others.

The Demand for Empathy

While all pastors should practice empathy as they counsel and work with the people their team, replant pastors have a unique role to play as they serve. In a replant, there are likely to be two issues that demand we respond with empathy. The first is the propensity toward change in a replant. In a separate blog and podcast, the Replant Bootcamp team discussed the emotional cycle of change. As you guide your church through transformation, empathy helps you seek to not only understand negative pushback toward change, but also to navigate through someone’s emotional response to it. The second issue a replant pastor faces is the need to reach the community around them. The experiences in the surrounding community may be very different from your own. Your response to their pain must be from a place of understanding and empathy. People who are hurting need to hear and know that you care and have compassion for them so that they can hear the hope of the Gospel.

This isn’t a new idea. This characteristic of compassion and empathy is modeled in the way Jesus saw and ministered to people. Jesus repeatedly felt compassion toward people and moved to action by his care for them.

In Mark 1:41, the Bible tells us Jesus was “moved with pity” as he healed a leper. In Mark 6:34, he “had compassion for them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd and he began to teach them many things.” In Mark 8:2, Jesus states that he “had compassion for the crowd, because they have been with me now for three days and have nothing to eat.” He then directs his disciples to feed the crowd. In Luke 7:13, Jesus heals the widow’s son after having compassion on her and saying, “do not weep.” And in both the parable of the good Samaritan and the parable of the prodigal son, Jesus states that the character’s actions came from a place of compassion and empathy for the person in need.

Jesus consistently treated people with empathy, and his compassion moved him toward action. He didn’t condone their sin or become frustrated with it. He simply cared about them enough to show them grace and mercy so that they could hear and receive the ultimate answer to their needs– the Gospel.

The Development of Empathy

Fortunately for me, failing in the area of mercy and empathy doesn’t have to be a permanent position. Empathy is a skill any leader can develop with time. There are 5 ways that you can become more empathetic toward the people you serve:

1. Be fully present. The people you serve need to know that they are important to you. Give them your full attention.
2. Be an active listener. Engage people and actively listen to their stories. You may want to put your phone down and exercise curiosity. Ask about their perspective and their background. What led them to this moment? What experiences have they had?
3. Suspend judgment. Seek to understand where someone is coming from before you make judgments about them. Remember their experiences have informed their emotions and actions, and their experience may be different than yours.
4. Create compassionate understanding. Before you attempt to “solve” an issue, try to understand the other person’s perspective on it. Be compassionate as you try to help them move toward resolution.
5. Practice proactive caring. Meet the person’s needs as you’re able to, whether that’s being actively involved in meeting physical needs, or simply sitting with them as they need you.

When we practice Godly empathy, we are modeling Christ’s compassion for others. To truly be a godly leader, one must be willing to sit with someone else’s pain the way He did. Jesus allowed himself to be moved into someone else’s pain, even to the point of weeping with them or over them.

Sit in the pit with the person, and then crawl out together. You’ll both be grateful you did.

Some resources on Empathy are this article by Daniel Harrison and this blog post by Scot McKnight.

Tag: revitalization