Tag: conflict

EP 270 – Changes in Replanting with Together for the Bluegrass

Written on December 4, 2024.

Replant Bootcamp

EP 270 - Changes in Replanting with Together for the Bluegrass

00:00 / 32:15

I had the pleasure of catching up with the Together for the Bluegrass guys at a coffee shop in Louisville recently! Together for the Bluegrass is an online ministry provided by the Central Kentucky Network of Baptists.

In this conversation with special guests CJ Pearce and David Barron we chat about current trends in replanting, what’s on the horizon, and what makes us most hopeful. The discussion covers the need for church intervention at various levels—from local to national—and the importance of fostering relationships, handling conflict, and leading with a focus on biblical principles. Key insights include the role of spiritual renewal versus strategic solutions, the importance of raising up new leaders within local churches, and practical advice for managing conflict in church settings.

00:00 Introduction and Sponsorship

01:17 Special Guest Introduction

02:06 Replanting Trends and Challenges

05:41 Generational Differences in Church Loyalty

08:35 Fostering and Church Autonomy

13:18 Pastoral Leadership in Revitalization

19:06 Handling Conflict in Church Replanting

28:18 Signs of Hope and Future Directions

30:28 Conclusion and Resources

EP 265 – Reframing Confrontation and Willingness to Confront

Written on October 16, 2024.

Replant Bootcamp

EP 265 - Reframing Confrontation and Willingness to Confront

00:00 / 28:59

For This episode of the Replant Bootcamp podcast I pulled the audio from a presentation I gave at the Replant Summit this year on Reframing Confrontation.

In this talk I dive into the dynamics of confrontation within church leadership, emphasizing the significance of approaching conflicts with a spirit-led attitude. The discussion highlights various types of confrontations, emphasizing motivations such as restorative versus competitive, and the necessary attributes to handle them effectively—rooted in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

We are called to lead like Jesus, confronting issues with humility and wisdom, and striving for spiritual maturity.

The necessity for leaders to address conflicts with love rather than ego is important, along with the pivotal role of unity within the church. The talk includes practical advice on conflict resolution, real-life examples, and prayers from Psalm 139 to guide and support listeners in dealing with challenges, ultimately showcasing how properly handled conflict can lead to growth and unity.

00:00 Introduction and Sponsor Message

00:40 A Different Approach: Reframing Confrontation

01:50 The War of the Peace Lilies: A Case Study

05:59 Lessons in Conflict Mediation

10:39 The Role of the Holy Spirit in Conflict Resolution

14:03 Leading Like Jesus in Confrontation

15:40 Commitment to the Holy Spirit

16:22 The Goal of Maturity in Christ

16:53 Unity and Reconciliation

18:18 Confrontation and Restoration

19:28 Characteristics of Effective Renewal Leaders

21:09 Navigating Conflict with Wisdom

22:22 Biblical Approach to Conflict Resolution

26:41 Prayers for Conflict Mediation

28:16 Conclusion and Podcast Information

Resources for the Replant Wife

Written on April 2, 2024.

“You can’t be a pastor! That would make me a pastor’s wife! And I am NOT a pastor’s wife.” These were the very first words I said to my husband after he confessed to me that he felt God was calling him to be a pastor. (Encouraging, I know… Bear with me.) Some women attend seminary and meet their future husband while he is studying for a career in ministry. She’s prepared to be known as the “pastor’s wife” for their marriage. That is not what happened to me. I was completely unprepared to be a pastor’s wife– my husband was in logistics at a warehouse. I never imagined God would call him to be a pastor and I would be a “PW”– I didn’t even know what PW meant!

Thankfully, God brought me around and I joyfully accepted this new role. I looked at it as a big, new adventure we would go on together. My husband and I, in ministry, doing the Lord’s work. Proclaiming the Gospel to hurting and broken people, together! What could be better than that?

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Oh man… She might be in for a shock.” You’re right. I was!

After 16 years in ministry, I can honestly say it has been a big adventure– one that has included many wonderful, joyful mountains, but one that also included several painful and dark valleys. Most of those valleys have happened in the season of replanting/revitalization in our church. In those valleys, it’s easy to feel isolated and alone in ministry. Looking at other churches, I would think, “They have it all figured out. They don’t seem to struggle the way we’re struggling! Maybe we just aren’t called to this.” Perhaps you have felt that way, too. If you’re a pastor reading this, I can almost guarantee your wife has felt that!

On a recent episode of the Replant Bootcamp podcast, host Jimbo Stewart spoke with three replant wives (one of whom is probably his favorite guest of all time) to take a look at the resources available to the wives working alongside their husbands in church renewal.

The Replant Wife Experts

During those moments of isolation and loneliness, sometimes all we need is a small reminder that we aren’t alone. This is where I found myself at the first Replant Summit I attended with my husband. We had navigated some very discouraging and hard times in our church and we signed up hoping to be refreshed and renewed. I was burdened with many needs, some spiritual and some within our own family. When I saw a breakout session for “Replant Wives,” I thought, “Nope.” The last thing I wanted to hear was how amazing life was for all those wives and how wonderful their churches were.

My husband convinced me to go, and I entered that room overwhelmed and anxious. I sat at an empty table prepared to sit quietly and speak to no one. But before I could enact that plan, other women came to sit at the table. These women were all so friendly and kind, and I found myself sharing some of my concerns with them briefly before the session even started. They seemed to understand everything I had experienced. They seemed like they “got it,” in a way that my other friends didn’t. Those women were Audrea Stewart, Darlene Dryer, and Barb Bickford, the hosts of the breakout session and the spouses of Jimbo Stewart, Josh Dryer, and Bob Bickford, respectively. Turns out, I hadn’t sat down at an empty table– I was at “their” table! (I had somehow missed the purses, laptop bags, and materials they had around the table.)

For the next couple of hours, I sat with many other women in the room as these three incredible women poured into us with biblical, practical advice for this journey. They each shared their stories, complete with heartaches and struggles. They were transparent and relatable, but also gently and wisely continued to point us each back to Christ and His leadership. As we each began to open up with our own worries and anxieties, I realized I had been wrong. I wasn’t alone or isolated. There were so many women struggling with the same issues I was– and these three “expert Replant Wives” had struggled with them, too!

I know these three women would object to being called “experts”– they are just wives who are doing their best to assist their husbands in this work of church renewal. But that day, Audrea, Darlene, and Barb gave us more than the resources of books to read, biblical passages to study, and tangible tools for problem-solving– they gave us the resource of friendship. We were able to connect with each other, as women all over the room began to bond over shared trials, joys, and everything in between. The connections I formed that day reminded me that I wasn’t alone. The resource of friendship was something that I will never forget.

The Replant Wife Facebook Page- a Source of Connection

After the Summit, I went home and immediately joined the Replant Wife Facebook Group. There, I get to interact with Audrea, Darlene, and Barb, but I have also met Replant Wives from the Midwest, the Pacific Coast, and the Northeast United States. It is a closed group, so wives can be transparent without worrying about breaking confidentiality. They can share their burdens and know that someone out there understands what they are going through. They can share helpful articles and books they’ve read, but they also share prayer requests and biblical questions. It’s a forum for pastor’s wives in church renewal, so there are even helpful tools for struggling congregations.

Some of the questions that are asked and answered are practical– “Has anyone done VBS on a budget? What tools were helpful?” “Has anyone been involved in rewriting bylaws? What did you run into that you didn’t expect?” “What is a great meal for unexpected company or for feeding a large crowd?” These questions are answered by other women in the context of church renewal– churches with normative attendance, budgets, and resources. Churches a lot like yours.

This online connection fosters a community. Now, when I go to a replant conference with my husband, I can connect with the women I know from the Facebook page and get updates on their lives and ministries. We look forward to seeing each other and catching up. Our community has borne each others burdens and celebrated each others successes. We are truly in it together.

The Replant Wife Website, Blog, and Podcast

Another important resource for Replant Wives is the website, which also houses the blog. Audrea, Darlene, and Barb have all penned blog posts regarding common issues in this renewal life. Audrea wrote on navigating the post-holiday blues, Barb has written a series on longevitiy in ministry, and Darlene is writing about finding joy in trials. Think of this website as the “landing page” for all things Replant Wife. In addition to Audrea, Darlene, and Barb, there are also resources from Kathy Addis (wife of Andy Addis), Jeanette Pugh (wife of Colin Pugh), and Joyce Jackson (wife of David Jackson), each of whom bring their own stories of ministry mountains and valleys.

In addition to the incredible resources the three women have cultivated, they also have links to NAMB’s replanting resources. NAMB is consistently looking for ways to support and care for pastors in ministry and one of those focuses has to be the pastor’s family. In a replant/revitalization, where there are potentials for seasons of change and conflict, this is even more important. A pastor does not weather the conflict alone– his family will feel it, too. His wife will need support and encouragement, and she can find it within those resources.

But I think the best resource the women leading this effort have cultivated is their podcast. This podcast seeks to be a refuge for the replant wife to be equipped and encouraged for the work God has called her to do. Listening to it, you feel like you’re sitting around with three friends discussing Jesus, the bible, ministry, and families. There, the three women discuss their blogs and talk about important topics in church renewal. They take the time to really dive into scripture and give biblical, practical advice. They remind the listener that she is not alone in this work. But they also remind her that this work is God’s glorious calling.

For every replant pastor, there is a replant wife who needs to know she is not alone. We are here for you and we want to hear from you! The Lord has called us to bring dying churches back to life– that’s an amazing honor!

If you want to meet these amazing women in person, you can do so at the Am I a Replanter conference at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary April 5-6 or at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary April 12-13. (And, yeah, their husbands will be there, too.)

EP 233 – Effective Interim Pastors: Fearing God more than Man with Scott Catoe

Written on March 6, 2024.

Replant Bootcamp

EP 233 - Effective Interim Pastors: Fearing God more than Man with Scott Catoe

00:00 / 27:44

In this episode, we welcome Scott Catoe, a first-time guest but longtime friend of the podcast, who shares his experiences and insights from serving as the lead pastor at Slater Baptist Church for 10 years and his current role as the Associate Mission Strategist for the Three Rivers Baptist Association. Dr. Catoe discusses his book, ‘Effective Interim Pastors,’ which emerged from his doctoral research on interim pastors.

He highlights the importance of addressing sin, and conflicts, and shaping a healthy church culture through the period of interim ministry rather than avoiding disruption. The conversation emphasizes the tendency of interim pastors and long-term pastors alike to either fear man more than God or seek personal glorification in ministry, contrasting these with the gospel-centered approach required for impactful leadership.

The book outlines eight principles for effective interim pastors, urging a focus on biblical faithfulness, prayer, confronting sin, and equipping the congregation for future growth, all rooted in a deep reverence for God over the fear of man.

00:00 Introduction and Guest Introduction
00:17 Guest’s Background and Current Role
01:07 Discussion on Normative Size Churches
01:45 Revitalization and Replanting Churches
02:08 Introduction to the Book ‘Effective Interim Pastors’
02:41 The Need for Transitional Pastors
03:51 The Role of an Interim Pastor
05:45 The Importance of Addressing Sin in Churches
11:07 The Fear of Man and Hero Syndrome in Ministry
17:16 The Role of Decision-Making in Churches
25:22 Conclusion and Book Recommendation

two hands partnership together two puzzle pieces

The Power of Partnership

Written on March 4, 2024.

A few weeks ago, my husband Will and I attended the AMS Lab from NAMB in Atlanta, Georgia. Hundreds of pastors and AMS leaders from across the country gathered together to learn more about partnerships and collaboration in revitalizing dying churches. We listened to several leaders discuss ways their associations and churches had worked cohesively for the spread of the Gospel and each other’s benefit. We heard testimonies of how these collaborations bore the fruit of faithfulness, health, repentance, and revival. The message was clear: There is power in partnership.

In Genesis 2:18, we read that God formed Man and then came to an important realization: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now, we know that God then formed Woman and declared it “very good.” But the main idea was not merely for man and woman to be in partnership together– the main thought is that it is not good for man to be alone. Over and over in God’s Word, He reminds us that collaboration is better than alienation.

We often remind our congregations that God has formed our church like a body, quoting from 1 Corinthians and Ephesians. We tell them that we all need each other, we all have different gifts, and that we all benefit from our unity. And yet when it comes to churches partnering with other churches, many pastors neglect to foster and encourage partnership in their ministries.

On a recent episode of the Replant Bootcamp podcast, Jimbo talked with Mark Hallock, author and Lead Pastor of the Calvary Family of Churches in Colorado, and Brandon Moore, Replant Specialist at NAMB, about the benefits of radical collaboration. When we partner together, ministries flourish, churches come back from the dead, and pastors are strengthened. On His way to the cross, Jesus prayed that the church’s unity and partnership would display God’s plan and His love for the world to see (John 17:23).

God’s Command to Partner

Here is the truth of the matter. Pastors who neglect to partner with other churches are working against God’s plan for the Gospel. You might not realize it, but God desires us to be in close collaboration with other churches– not competition. Too often, we get wrapped up in the human desire to grow our personal kingdom and not God’s.

Of course, that’s not the language we use. Pastors would never say they desire their kingdom to grow over God’s. But when we hoard our resources for our gain, when we disparage the church across town (especially from the pulpit), and when we isolate ourselves from other pastors, we’ve created a “my church, my growth” mindset instead of a “God’s church, His kingdom” mindset.

God commands us to work in unity with other churches. Our passion must be for God’s Kingdom to grow, because His plan is to reach the lost world through people– not only your church but mine, too. His plan is for all of us to cooperate so that His name is magnified throughout the nations.

Where do I start?

At the AMS Lab, one of the phrases we heard from pastors and AMS Leaders was, “Partnership sounds great, but we don’t have that mindset in our association. No one seems to want to share or to cooperate.” What a missed opportunity!

When pastors alienate themselves and build walls around their ministry, it typically signifies an area of personal weakness. Maybe they’ve been hurt by other pastors in the past and they are hesitant to be vulnerable again. Perhaps they are afraid to be transparent or admit that something isn’t working. Or maybe it’s just good, old-fashioned pride that makes them feel like they don’t have anything to learn from someone else. Regardless of the root issue, a pastor who “Lone Rangers” his ministry may need to evaluate his behavior and repent.

Often, one of the first steps toward collaboration is one of embracing humility. It’s one thing to agree we need pastoral friendships for encouragement, but it’s quite another to be willing to share resources like money, time, and leadership with fellow pastors. It’s one thing to say, “I’m willing to help the church down the street,” but it’s different to say, “I don’t care who gets the credit, I just want to see God’s Kingdom grow.” Humility offers us a chance to let go of our ego and step out of the picture, and it allows God to step in and do radically transformative work in both our congregation and in the other church. Laying down our pride for the Gospel reaps fruit we can’t even begin to imagine.

Once we’ve embraced the command to partner with fellow pastors and churches, and we’ve repented of any pride or fear standing in our way, it’s time to lean in and pursue partnership. Now I wish this was as easy as simply passing a note to another pastor at the next Association meeting that says, “Do you want to partner with me in ministry? Check yes or no.” Unfortunately, radical collaboration takes a little more time and effort!

To start with, you need to actually attend association meetings. Those meetings aren’t merely to give you information and discuss everyone’s budget and church attendance numbers. Those meetings are opportunities for networking with other pastors and for encouraging each other! You have something to learn from them. The Holy Spirit indwells them just as He indwells you! God has given them unique perspectives, experiences, and giftings that can benefit you, even if they are different than yours.

Being a good partner in ministry means being a good friend. When you’re at the meetings, ask good questions of your fellow pastors. Pray over their churches. Have someone from your church send them a card to encourage them. Some of our best partnerships have come from having close friends in ministry. Last year when we were gone on a mission trip, we needed help with our worship service– we were short a pastor and a worship leader. We were able to call our best friends in ministry and ask for their help– and they sent a worship team over to lead our service, even though it meant their church struggled a little that morning. Why? Because we aren’t in competition, we’re in cooperation.

Maybe not everyone will understand your desire for partnership. That’s ok. Start with a few guys who do. Plan a night of worship and combine your campuses. Look for ways your church can help with their VBS (or vice versa). Do you have a couple of talented musicians while their church struggles to have live music? Ask one of your people to serve there a couple of weeks a month. Not because you don’t love your church and your people, but because you’ve taught your church to love other churches. And before you know it, a funny thing happens when other people see radical partnership thriving… they’ll want to join, too. That’s where you see the culture change. That’s where the goal of “church growth” becomes “Kingdom growth.”

The Superpower of Partnership

Hopefully, by now you’ve realized that we need to partner with fellow churches for one very good reason: God commands us to! But partnership isn’t merely a rule to follow. Radical collaboration is a superpower. Once we tap into it, the benefits to our ministry and our personal walk with Jesus are huge!

One of the main benefits of partnership? We are better together! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds us, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” There will always be times when ministry is a struggle. I have a friend who swears her husband quits ministry every Monday morning. Discouragement, disappointment, and feelings of frustration with church members or church politics can feel overwhelming. But partnerships with other churches mean your problems aren’t just your own to solve. You have helpers to pick you up and raise your arms, as Aaron and Hur did for Moses (Exodus 17).

Another benefit? Faithfulness in the ministry. A recent Barna study found that 65% of pastors reported feeling isolated or alone in 2022… that’s up from only 42% feeling that way in 2015. It seems many pastors are feeling like Johnny Cash when he sang, “I’ve got no one to tell my troubles to, no one to care to call my own. It seems that I must always be alone.” And when pastors feel isolated, they are more susceptible to temptation, hip-shot decisions, and leaving the ministry altogether. When you partner with other pastors, you have built-in encouragement, but you also have built-in accountability. Your partners are also pastors who can tell you, in humility and love, where you might be going off-track.

Lastly, there is the benefit of having a cohort to help you navigate the complexities in the culture and society we face today. We are dealing with aspects of culture that society has not wrestled with before and in our digital and technologically advanced society, these complex questions do not stop at the church’s front door. Increasingly, these cultural issues are encouraging pastors to take a new look at their by-laws, their polity, and even their own personal beliefs. Having other pastors beside you as you walk through these decisions gives you a plurality of educated leaders that you may not yet have access to within your own congregation.

The Superhero of Partnership

I hope that you now see the superpower of partnership and the ways collaboration benefits your ministry. Now, allow me to introduce a superhero who can help you in your quest for partnership– your local AMS.

Hopefully, the local AMS at your association has been there long enough to have the one gift you need– the power of connection. The AMS has an acute knowledge of not only the churches in his association, but of each pastor, and each congregation. When you need ministry partners, there is no better place to start than your AMS. Have a music/worship need? He knows of a local cohort of worship leaders you can join. He also knows which churches have large choirs and an abundance of musicians who may be able to join you for a while. Have a question about polity? He knows which church recently rewrote their bylaws, and what roadblocks they ran into, and he knows who you need to call at the state level for assistance. Need help with VBS? He knows the church doing theirs weeks before yours, and he’s happy to put you in touch with them so you can borrow their decorations when they’re done.

If you’re interested in hearing more ways your AMS and your local association can assist you in radical collaboration, the Replant Bootcamp has a podcast and blog on the partnership between pastors and Associations.

Opportunities to Partner with Us

When we talk about partnerships between pastors and associations, there is no better place to explore that than at the Replant Bootcamp events. We have several coming up, from two Am I a Replanter labs in April, the Revive Summit in May and September, and of course, through our website and archives.

Don’t forget to let us know how much your ministry partners have helped you by suggesting them as future guests using the “Suggest a Guest” button! We would love to hear your stories!

What is Working Genius and How Does it Work for You?

Written on January 30, 2024.

Over the past eighteen months, our church has been revising and rewriting the church bylaws. This has been an arduous, complicated process that took much longer than anyone expected. The team that took on the project was coed and economically and generationally diverse. We expected to have disparate opinions and different ways of looking at many of the same issues. We expected to have different strengths and weaknesses as we worked through this important project.

But there was one thing we didn’t expect– some of us felt excited during the same phases that left others feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. For several of us, the project’s initial phase was the most exciting– we loved asking questions and defining what needed to happen. The possibility of creating a new document for our church that would be used for years to come was so inspiring! The lack of structure and organization during this time felt time-consuming and unproductive for others. Likewise, some of us felt energized toward the end of the project as we saw all of the hard work come together, and we began to encourage our church about some new directions and ideas. Others were ready to move on to the next project and wished we could move quicker to the next thing.

Did these differences mean that our team was unsuccessful? Not at all. These differences are necessary and beneficial! On a recent episode of the Replant Bootcamp podcast, Jimbo and Bob walked listeners through a new tool called “Working Genius” by Patrick Lencioni. Though the premise may sound similar to other personality tests and quizzes, the “genius” behind Working Genius is finding out where your team’s skills lie and which parts of a project line up with those specific gifts.

The Good News: We’re All Geniuses!

One of the best aspects of Working Genius? We are all geniuses! It’s true– we all have an area of uniquely talented gifting. We are more fulfilled and happier when we can work within what we are naturally good at. In addition to seeing what our skills and gifts say about us, we can also find out where we fit within our team and project phases.

The Six Types of Working Genius

According to Lencioni, the six types of Working Genius are:

The genius of wonder: The natural gift of pondering the greater potential and opportunity in any situation. People gifted in this area love asking questions and feel creative in ambiguity.
The genius of invention: The natural gift of creating original and novel ideas and solutions. People gifted with this genius find joy in taking the challenges and generating solutions. They enjoy innovating from scratch and love a blank whiteboard piece of paper with which they can brainstorm.
The genius of discernment: The natural gift of intuitively and instinctively evaluating ideas and situations. People gifted in this area are good curators of what’s going on around them and can recognize patterns. They know how to connect the dots and give people good feedback across a broad range of topics.
The genius of galvanizing: The natural gift of rallying, inspiring, and organizing others to take action. People with this genius love to get things moving. They’re great at pushing people out of their comfort zones, inspiring them to get started, and moving them in the right direction.
The genius of enablement: The natural gift of providing encouragement and assistance for an idea or project. This genius is people-oriented– they want to help realize a vision and provide the support needed to move.
The genius of tenacity: The natural gift of pushing projects or tasks to completion to achieve results. People gifted in this genius are task-oriented. They love to take things across the finish line, and they ensure that a project is going to have the impact it’s supposed to have.

Project Stages

Every project has a workflow structure that follows a specific pattern. The initial stage, where we are asking questions and answering with possible solutions, is called “ideation.” This is the stage where people with the workplace geniuses of Wonder or Invention will feel energized, focused, and most productive.

In the next stage, we have answered our questions and have decided on a possible course of action. But we are still getting ready for the next step. We need people whose workplace genius is Discernment or Galvanizing to help us move into activation. They will help us create “buy-in” for the ideas and ensure we move in the right direction. The people with these geniuses will be excited to engage others in the work and cooperate with every team member.

Finally, after we ask and answer all the questions, cohesively move toward solutions, and ensure we are heading in the right direction, we are ready for the final stage of the project: Implementation. In this stage, people with the working genius of Enablement or Tenacity will find joy in checking off boxes, encouraging others in their work, and getting the project to completion.

The Bad News: We’re Not Always Geniuses!

Lencioni states that each person has two geniuses that fit them well– these strengths allow them to feel the most joy while at work on a project. Each person also has two Working Competencies. These are the areas where we can perform the work, and we may even find satisfaction in it. While we might be somewhat gifted in these areas, they do not bring us joy. We also have two areas that are working frustrations. These areas bring us– you guessed it– frustration. These are the areas where we just really don’t enjoy this aspect of a project.

Unfortunately, we are not always able to avoid those Working Frustrations. As Replant Pastors, we are often called to work on a project from start to finish, regardless of which stage of the project brings us joy. So, how do we work within those moments of frustration without getting… frustrated?

Finding Einstein

There is this temptation, especially as a Replant Pastor with limited resources and limited people, to believe that you have to do it all. Everything rests on you. Each project is for you to accomplish from start to finish, whether rewriting bylaws or redoing the children’s classrooms.

Pastor, here is some truth: You can’t do it all. If you thought you could, you would quickly discover that road leads to exhaustion, discouragement, and burnout. (See last week’s podcast episode and blog for some tips to avoid burnout.) You need other people. You specifically need other people who aren’t just like you. You need other geniuses in the room!

I can tell you from experience it isn’t easy to work with someone with a different genius. If you have the genius of Wonder, you’re going to frustrate someone with the genius of Tenacity. While you’re asking all the questions, they’ll just want to push forward to the part where they can start doing something. If you have the genius of Invention, you may feel unsupported by someone with the genius of Discernment who doesn’t think your idea is a perfect one.

But we must recognize that those differences, however frustrating they may be, allow us to work better. Romans 12:3-8 reminds us that God, in His grace, gives us different gifts– but just as important, it reminds us that we aren’t to think more highly of ourselves because of our specific gifts. We cannot envy someone else’s unique gifts or judge their gifts as somehow less than ours.

I recently attended a symphony concert with my daughter. As we listened to the incredible music, I never thought, “Man, I wish this was just 150 trumpets all doing the same thing.” As much as I might love to hear the trumpet, the music was beautiful because every instrument was playing its part at the perfect time and volume. The trumpet player wasn’t jealous of the violinist because it took both of them to create the symphonic sound. Likewise, the trumpet player didn’t look down on the harpist because a trumpet couldn’t make that sound, which was necessary for the piece.

Find the other Einsteins in your congregation with a genius that is different than yours– and then work with them on projects to make sure you’re all playing your part cohesively and beautifully for the Gospel.

If you want to take the Working Genius test or purchase it for your team, you can find more information here: https://www.workinggenius.com/about. And if you’re interested in other resources for team building and team strategies, check out our podcast episodes on Leadership Judo by searching the term or by looking at Les McKeown’s work on Predictable Success.

3 Ways to Recover from Church Hurt

Written on July 7, 2023.

Every one of us has had painful experiences in our relationships with others. This is because when sinners do life together, we are bound to be selfish, say hurtful words, and do hurtful things. Relationship “hurt” is unfortunately inescapable, and if we’re honest, we have been the culprit at times. But what do you do when someone gets hurt by the Church?

The term “church hurt” has become increasingly popular in modern culture, but the concept is nothing new. I’ve talked to many people through the years and often ask, “Do you have a church home somewhere?” When they say “No,” I will sometimes press a little further. “Why not?” Their answers are not usually a difference of beliefs or a lack of desire. Instead, one of the most common answers people give is, “I’ve been hurt by the church.”

Church Hurt is Real

See if any of these similar answers are familiar to you:

“I didn’t feel welcome.”

“I don’t trust religious leaders.”

“The people were too judgemental.”

“They weren’t supportive during a time of need.”

“I’ve just had bad experiences at the church.”

All of these responses are related to Church Hurt in some type of way. Worse, there are many who have suffered abuse, manipulation, and mistreatment within the church. We may be quick to dismiss their response as unfounded and insignificant. But the truth is people have had real hurt from others, and we need to be careful in our reaction. We all can take part in helping people reconcile relationships, seek healing, and understand the gospel of forgiveness.

Pastors Face Hurt, Too

Church Members aren’t the only ones who get hurt. Pastors can be victims of this as well, and sometimes more severely. Forced termination, secret meetings, harsh criticism, gossip, and lack of care are all examples of hurt that pastors experience.

The pressure of ministry can sometimes feel insurmountable. In the podcast episode this week, Jimbo and Bob help us understand how to endure church hurt and bounce back from painful experiences. If you are reading this as a church member, a pastor, or a replanter, here are a few ways that you can recover from church hurt.

#1. Evaluate Your Experience with Self-Awareness

I cannot stress how important self-awareness is. Two psychologists came up with this definition: Self-awareness is the ability to focus on yourself and how your actions, thoughts, or emotions do or don’t align with your internal standards. If that wasn’t clear enough, I’ll put it another way: step out of your emotions of the situation and internally think about what actually happened in your hurtful experience.

We need to separate in our mind what feels true, versus what is true.

Without diminishing the experience of church hurt, I fear that we are too quick to highly-sensationalize our hurt and project it on to other people, oftentimes using friends as a sounding board.

If we were to step back and survey our experience of hurt, we could probably come back with some observations. We know all people are sinners. We know that sometimes people say hurtful things. We know that not all are as spiritually mature as others. And we know that sometimes, our feelings control our responses instead of rational thinking. As Bob mentioned in the podcast, “We’re not as great as we think we are, and we’re not as bad as we think we are.”

Should church hurt ruin your experience of church all together? Don’t let a few experiences destroy your ability to love the church as God’s bride that will one day be sanctified. We should face the rational truth that the “Church” doesn’t hurt people, and God doesn’t hurt people. Sinful people within the church hurt people.

The church is universal. And if a relationship is unable to be reconciled, you may end up seeking a new church. But to drop out of church altogether shows that you think that all churches will hurt you in a similar fashion. This is simply not true. To learn the ability of self-awareness means that you know your identity. And you must be able to cut through the noise of your emotions and think about how to handle the situation to bring God the most glory.

#2. Seek Reconciliation with the Parties Involved

I wonder how many believers have gone through a hurtful experience and never sought reconciliation of any kind? The scriptures are clear on what we are to do if a brother sins against us:

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” Matthew 18:15-17

The problem is we are so quick to ignore this command, and we don’t even try Step One. We go straight to the church (we begin to gossip and win people to “our side”) without first going to our brother or sister. If we were to obey this scripture that Jesus teaches, we would probably win over (or win back) our brother or sister without it ever going to the church and creating more of a mess than what it actually was.

If our church hurt comes from a verbal exchange, it’s best to go to that church member and say, “My brother, I’m not sure you realized that when you said _________, I felt like you were saying ___________. This was hurtful to me.” I wonder how many times we would see the grace of reconciled relationships, if we simply tamed our tongues and went directly to the source of the conflict.

If God sent his Son to die on a cross and save you of your sins, he can give you the power and ability to witness his grace and forgiveness between believers. Immaturity, hurtfulness, and selfishness can come from a church that is not eager to maintain the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace.

But we are called to be peacemakers, not peacekeepers. There is a difference. Peacekeepers seek to drown out the noise, find some points of agreement, and bury the conflict. Peacemakers address sin, rebuke it, encourage repentance and reconciliation, and move on with grace and forgiveness. This promotes maturity in the church and a unified spirit, while peacekeeping shows a lack of care and hides sin beneath a rug.

By the power of the Holy Spirit living in us, we can seek reconciliation from church hurt and move on with one another in the work of ministry.

#3. Be Patient in Seeking Recovery

I admit and agree, not every hurtful experience ends with friendship and hugs between parties. Some of these experiences are real, damaging, and require some separation. It may be necessary for your health to separate from a relationship, especially if it’s a repeated pattern of painful experiences. While it may be true that time heals wounds, it only heals if there is intentionality in pursuing health throughout the experience. And the closer a person is to you, the more hurtful the experience is.

But the work of ministry and the expansion of God’s kingdom is bigger than our earthly relationships. There are some ways in which we can, “bear with one another in love,” to continue serving together in the same body of Christ, even after a painful experience.

One biblical example of this hurt would be between Paul and Barnabas. “And there occurred such a sharp disagreement that they separated from one another, and Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus. But Paul chose Silas and left . . .” (Acts 15:38). In Paul’s relationship with Barnabas, there needed to be some time they spent away from one another. After a “sharp disagreement,” they parted ways, but still continued on with the work of ministry. Interestingly, near the end of Paul’s life, he said this to Timothy: “Luke alone is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry,” 2 Timothy 4:11.

After a hurtful experience, we must begin leaning forward, and not get stuck. It’s easy to drown out in isolation and be alone. But healing takes more time when we are alone. My encouragement is this: surround yourselves with counsel and solid friends as you recover. If needed, seek professional help as well. Because the work of ministry must go on. James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed.” If I need healing, I know I need close friends around me, praying for me.

While church hurt is real and painful, keep this in mind: we will only experience hurt on this side of Heaven. And we have a day to look forward to in which “pain will be no more.” While we are on this earth, let us not only seek God’s grace to recover from pain, but let us also extend that grace towards others around us. Painful experiences are a part of being human, but we can control how we handle it, to the glory of God.

EP 189 – TRAVAILS AND TROUBLES IN REPLANTING

Written on May 3, 2023.

Replant Bootcamp

EP 189 - TRAVAILS AND TROUBLES IN REPLANTING

00:00 / 22:56

In this EP the guys talk about their travels and a bit of their troubles on the road and then pivot to discuss an important principle related to the work of Replanting-Jesus is always with you and he will deliver you from every trial and trouble.

Here are a few highlights:

Troubles and challenges come in surprising ways-you want to change the bulletin and almost get fired.
Every ministry setting has its own set of challenges
Struggle and and trial are part of ministry – don’t be surprised
If God can save you from your sins (and he can and does) he will deliver you from everything else

We find encouragement and hope in Paul’s words:

He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. 2 Corinthians 1:10

Get some help and hope for your web presence by contacting our good friends at One Eighty Digital. They are the exclusive sponsor of the Bootcamp and can get your church up and running with a website that will communicate clearly with your community.

EP 182 – THE CONFLICT CONVERSATION

Written on March 15, 2023.

Replant Bootcamp

EP 182 - THE CONFLICT CONVERSATION

00:00 / 27:56

Welcome back Bootcampers! We’re jumping back in on the subject of conflict, with the “other” Bob. Today the guys get down to the important subject of how to have the “conflict” conversation.

First, a little definition on one of the important characteristics of Replanters, the willingness to confront.

Willingness to Confront: the replant pastor with a willingness confront is able to willingly but not eagerly, navigate conflict with directness, love, humility, patience and wisdom, driven by a love for the church and her members.

As they jump in here’s the resource mentioned: Crucial Conversations. A crucial conversation is any conversation where you know, there will be opposing opinions where there’s strong emotions and the stakes are high.

Here are some quick insights when it comes to crucial conversations

We need to look at an entire pattern – not just an instance
It is important to prepare for crucial conversations
Avoid jumping to the “worst” interpretation of an offense

Here are some tips to be more productive during times where you are having crucial conversations.

Be self aware-know what your triggers are and what is taking place inside of you.
Ask yourself in that moment: “Why am I feeling this way?”
Understand what story you are telling yourself.

Avoid making the fool’s choice: which is when I believe in the heat of the moment that everything is either or.

Check out the rest of this EP for some incredible helps on dealing with conflict.

Get the help you need for your church’s website and web-presence. Our great sponsor, One Eighty Digital can get you headed in the right direction.

two conflicting signs, one to agree, one to disagree

How to Navigate Church Conflict

Written on March 10, 2023.

Mapping your way to successful resolutions

A fun fact about me is that I am terrified of frogs. I don’t know why, or when the fear of frogs started. I just know that when I get near one, something in me is convinced that the frog’s mission in life is to jump on my face. I break into a cold sweat and walk to the other side of the street or sidewalk to avoid them. I don’t think they’re cute, and no, you can’t convince me otherwise. I feel similar feelings about snakes, but snakes aren’t typically going to jump on me and I am 100% CONVINCED that the frog will. We live beside a pond, so the spring and summer months are basically full of me zigzagging around the neighborhood in an effort to avoid frogs lying in wait to pounce on me while I take my dog out for a walk.

As scared as I am of frogs, there is something else that prompts that same “fight or flight” response for me: Conflict. I am what some might call “conflict-avoidant.” For me, conflict triggers the same response that frogs do– I break out into a cold sweat and start looking for a way to get around it. I just want to be through it as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately for me, conflict in ministry is as inevitable as the frogs in my neighborhood. It’s not a matter of “if” we experience conflict in church, it’s a matter of “when.” Sometimes the conflicts are simple, a small matter easily resolved. But some conflicts are bitter and hard, and they can leave us wounded and weary as we seek resolutions.

Our initial response to conflict can be very revealing of who we are as a person. There are those like me, for whom conflict is uncomfortable and frightening. We may have grown up in a household where fighting was common, or where showing emotions was not acceptable (either extreme can lead to conflict avoidance). Or you may be someone who looks forward to conflict as an area where you can assert yourself or your ideas. But something we should remember is that when we are faced with conflict, we are often reduced to our natural, self-destructive sin nature.

Knowing how to manage our conflicts is the key to seeing conflict properly– not as something to be afraid of, but instead as something to embrace. Too often, we think of conflict as a sign that we are failing. “If I was doing better, I wouldn’t have these issues,” we think. But the truth is, conflict can be a sign of health! In fact, handled correctly, conflict can provide us with great opportunities for spiritual growth and relationship building.

The Starting Point for Handling Conflict

On the Replant Bootcamp podcast this week, JimBob2 walked through what it looks like to handle conflict appropriately with the help of Michael Hare’s book, When Church Conflict Happens: A Proven Process for Resolving Unhealthy Disagreements and Embracing Healthy Ones. As a church conflict consultant, Hare has helped hundreds of people resolve conflicts in a healthy way.

Hare describes conflict in three categories:

Unhealthy conflict- this type of disagreement often goes unrecognized until interpersonal disputes and church factions arise
Benign conflict- this usually occurs because of organizational deficits and oversights that are unintentional
Healthy conflict- disagreements that are recognized, acknowledged, and responded to in a biblically constructive manner.

When we are presented with a conflict, the most helpful question isn’t “what are you fighting about?” Instead, we need to look for the root of the disagreement. It’s not about the carpet color being changed, it’s more likely about the memories associated with the carpet or the fear of change in general. When we seek to understand the underlying emotions, we are cultivating a better church culture. Hare writes, “The manner in which church leaders respond to conflict sets the tone for the entire congregation and either provides a godly example of the ‘ministry of reconciliation’ or pushes conflict under the surface causing all kinds of trouble both in the present and in the future.”

Most of the time, in addition to the emotions of those involved in the conflict, we also bring our own bias into the equation. When we mediate a conflict, are we looking for compromises that won’t provide lasting resolution? Are we rushing to judge each person instead of listening to both sides? Are we responding with empathy, always keeping in mind Ephesians 4:15 and speaking the truth in love? Are we focused more on the unity of the body than on personal preferences? Emotions run high during conflict, and we must remember that our emotions are at work just as much as anyone else’s.

When we begin from a place of empathy and understand, we are responding redemptively. Hare describes this as something that isn’t natural for us– we have to train ourselves to begin at this point. He writes, “Learning to respond redemptively requires intentionality and discipline; it doesn’t happen naturally. We must be self-aware enough (with God’s help) to recognize when dangerous circumstances arise and be engaged in training ourselves in godliness so our immediate response becomes Christlike instead of defaulting to our old natural, sinful inclinations.”

Demystifying Conflict

Hare believes one of the ways we become better at mapping out conflict is to “demystify” it, or to remove some of the “unknowns” regarding conflict. Hare writes that conflict typically happens within 5 overlapping areas:

Intrapersonal: the conflict going on inside the individual person, a spiritual or emotional battle.
Interpersonal: the conflict between two people
Intragroup: the conflict within a group
Intergroup: the conflict between two groups
Structural: something within the organization that creates conflict.

When we are looking at a disagreement, we can typically see where this is happening and address each area accordingly. Hare uses the example found in Acts 6 to illustrate this overlap. In the disagreement among the Greek and the Hebrew widows, we see the apostles acknowledging the interpersonal and intrapersonal conflicts and responding with action. They didn’t avoid the conflict; they addressed the issue and found a way to continue the mission of the church.

Another key way we can “demystify” conflict is to look at potential structural causes for conflict. Many church disputes stem from disorganization within the systems of the church. (One group reserves a church vehicle for a conference only to find out another group takes an annual trip to the mountains that same weekend and have never had to sign out the vehicle.) Sometimes bylaws (or the lack of them) can cause misunderstandings. If you’re mediating a conflict between two groups or two people, it can be helpful to recognize areas where your church’s structure has contributed to the dispute and address those to avoid it in the future.

Kingdom Mindsets have Kingdom Resolutions

In resolving conflicts, we must move from a mentality that says “either/or” to one that says “both/and.” Using Acts 6 as an example, we see that the Apostles weren’t looking at the conflict as “Greeks versus Hebrews.” They didn’t feel like one group was more important than the other or that one group was better than the other. They found a way to say both groups are vital and we have to make sure that we are continuing the work of the Lord and making sure the needs of these people are met.

When we look with a Kingdom mindset, we are seeking the kingdom of God over our personal preferences and petty differences. We are looking not just in the best interest of our specific church, but in the best interest of God’s Church, the Bride of Christ. We are recognizing that we love the church too much to allow disputes and conflicts to gain a foothold in our unity and potentially drive a wedge between us.

Our ability to properly map out a conflict can mean the difference between an angry argument or a biblical resolution. Take time today to think about the most recent conflict you experienced. Would you handle it the same way now that you know how to map it out?

(There are multiple resources out there to handle conflict, but one that I found helpful was this list from NC Baptists of 20 ways to resolve church conflict.)