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EP 236 – Resources for Replant Wives

Replant Bootcamp
Replant Bootcamp
EP 236 - Resources for Replant Wives

In this episode, we welcome three special guests to discuss the unique challenges and joys of being a pastor’s wife involved in church replanting and revitalization. Dr. Darlene, Audrea, and Barb share their personal experiences and resources they have developed to support pastor’s wives through this journey. They hope to offer hope, friendship, and encouragement, underscoring that pastor’s wives are not alone in their challenges through the following resources:

00:00 Welcome to the Boot Camp: Introducing Our Special Guests
00:11 The Mission: Supporting Pastor Wives on Their Replant Journey
01:00 Meet the Guests: Stories of Struggle and Support
05:21 Creating a Community: The Birth of Replant Wife Resources
07:11 Expanding the Support Network: From Facebook Group to Podcasts and Beyond
19:52 A Gift of Prayer: The Replant Wife Book
25:48 Closing Prayer and Reflections

JimBo Stewart: [00:00:00] Here we are back at the boot camp back at it again I hope you’re ready for the next episode with three lovely special guests today Starting off with their fearless leader. Dr. Darlene. Talk to us a little bit about why you ladies are on the podcast today

Darlene Dryer: Hey Jimbo, thanks for having us on. Yes, we are on here to represent all of you pastor wives out there listening, or I, well, I don’t know. Maybe you have mostly pastors listening, but you can share with your wives. We are here to come around and huddle around the wives that are going alongside their husbands in this journey of replant.

the big philosophy is you’re not alone. and we want. To be your sounding board. We want you to be able to hear us and the other people that are doing this to know that you have hope in the future, that there is a goal at the end of this, journey and then to look back and be able to see women that are coming along behind you, in this replant journey.

And so how we can all, just learn from one another. it’s actually just been a really great journey. I think we’ve been in it for about seven months now.

JimBo Stewart: That’s [00:01:00] awesome. go ahead and introduce the other guests that we have on there. One of them being the best looking guest I think I’ve ever had on this podcast.

Darlene Dryer: Well,

Audrea Stewart: I paid him to say that. That’s me. So yeah, I’m

not at all.

Darlene Dryer: Yes, we have. Let me just say, this is a brainchild of Audria and Barb. This is something that they’ve been dreaming up and they just needed to hire a type D person to kind of get it done. So that’s, I’m the type D. I acknowledge that I, I run with that and I’m continuing in my sanctification process through this.

but number one, we’ll talk about Jimbo’s favorite, Audria. I met her in a parking lot once and we had a very special moment together. just being on the journey. And then Barb, Barb, I met actually once I was invited to the replant world. and she has been spot on with every time I heard her talk, it is encouraging and is motivating.

She is kind of like the stable, the rock, she is steadfast. So Adria, introduce [00:02:00] yourself.

Audrea Stewart: yeah. Let me explain the parking lot situation where we met. So Darlene and I met in Jacksonville and she had this fantastic ministry, of bringing pastor wives together in the wonderful, beautiful city of Jacksonville, Florida. we were year three into our replant and it was miserable. By the way, if you haven’t reached year three in your replant, just prepare your hearts.

And buckle up. I did not know that year three was going to be the worst. So I was very blindsided and things were just really tough. We had small kids. things were not going great at the replant and I found myself crying a lot. And so, Darlene had just started this ministry, in town, trying like a support group, honestly, for just pastor wives.

And, Jimbo’s like, you should go. And I was like, I don’t know her. And I don’t know anyone there and I’m just going to cry in front of strangers. And Jimbo said, well, I think that’s what it’s designed for. You just get together and cry

Darlene Dryer: We just cry. yeah,

Audrea Stewart: yeah, get together, cry and eat chocolate. And so I went and I did cry and [00:03:00]she counseled me in the parking lot.

So that’s how we’ve met in a parking lot. And then I continued to go to the same group and I was like, Oh, wow. Okay. and it was really healing for me and it’s exactly what I needed. And so, um, What I would say is that when Barb and I were talking about like what resources needed to be out there it it really was that that parking lot experience that okay Somebody who gets it somebody who sees me and someone who can just normalize this whole situation for me.

So yes but as for me, I am Jimbo’s wife. We homeschool pastor’s wife pastor’s kid I have been living in the fishbowl for You You know, almost over 40 years now. so that’s me.

Darlene Dryer: Thanks, Andrea. Okay, so Barb, tell us about yourself.

Barb Bickford: my name’s Barb Bickford. we have been in the replant world in some capacity since 2012 and back in those days I really, didn’t think that there was any other replant wives out there. I thought surely I was the only one. And we didn’t know what we were [00:04:00] doing. We were just doing it and , so it was great.

When I met in the early days, a couple of Jennas, Jenna Hallick and Jenna Marie O’Brien, and we kind of. Started this journey a little bit together and I had a little heart to reach out to those women because I felt so alone. I was like, there have to be other women in the country. So that’s kind of when I came up with the idea of, creating the Facebook page just so we could connect to not feel alone.

Like I felt alone. I’m like, I need to make some replant wife friends. And then I think Audria came to one of the, it might have been the second time that I spoke, or the first time, I can’t remember. That’s where we met, in Atlanta, I believe, and, she was like a breath of fresh air, and that was very, very fun.

And so we’ve kind of continued our relationship, and then when Darlene came in, I guess we met. Maybe three years ago. at what is

it? New Orleans, I think.

Darlene Dryer: I think

it was New Orleans. Yeah, we

met in New


Barb Bickford: Yeah. New

Orleans and my replanter. So, that was a good time. And yeah, she’s [00:05:00] definitely the D that we needed. She’s she’s taken charge. Thanks, Darlene.

Audrea Stewart: Yeah. I think between Barb and I, we have, I’m a lot of fun. And then Barb is definitely got the empathy going on. And so both of us together, we’re like, yeah, we definitely need it. Everyone needs a Darlene in their

Darlene Dryer: We complete each other.

Audrea Stewart: We do. I think

JimBo Stewart: All right. So let’s talk about, I want to dive in a minute into all the resources you ladies have put together, but first let’s talk about why, why is. An initiative like this of creating resources and support and friendship and encouragement for pastors, wives of replants and revitalizations. So important.

Darlene Dryer: Thanks, Jimbo. I’m going to give you a little picture. Um, in counseling, so that’s what I do. I’m a women’s counselor. I’m a women’s Christian counselor. And we know, through statistics that women heal faster. exponentially faster, and to have less relapse if they participate [00:06:00] in counseling and group settings.

this helps them not feel alone. turns them from being inward focused to outward focused. and so I was trying to take that theory and apply it to pastor’s wives and say, you know what I don’t want to say like our position is trauma based life. I’m not saying that at all but I think Christina Hoover explains it the best is that we are absorbers.

There’s a lot of things that happen and we hear about things that we are not in a position to do anything about so we absorb things and so our sponge can only take so much. and we have to have a good safe environment to be able to um, Process what’s happening around us. And so that’s kind of what I was trying to do.

And on that, we wanted to have some internet, um, presence. So we had the Facebook going already from Barb and we just kind of breathed life back into that with some purpose. and then we went. And to making a website called replantwife. com and there we provide blogs, resources, where we’re going to be speaking [00:07:00] next, book suggestions.

And that’s also where we post our blogs and then our podcasts are, you can find those on, Spotify and Apple. So replant wife podcast.

Barb Bickford: loud.

JimBo Stewart: Okay. So let’s, let’s start diving into the resources a little bit and explaining them and why they exist. let’s start with the first one, the Facebook page, Barb, you mentioned that a little bit of. When you started that. So talk to us about what motivates you to get it going? And then what is its purpose?

And then how does a lady get involved in that Facebook group?

Barb Bickford: Sure. so I originally started probably selfishly because I felt alone in this and I knew that other wives would be replant, replant wives specifically would be feeling the same way. So my purpose originally was to connect. so that we didn’t feel alone to a place for, safe encouragement and, prayer.

 I wanted people to be able to share prayer requests so that, you know, people in the same boat could pray for them and know how to pray for them in a way that, you know, [00:08:00] other people might not be able to, cause they don’t connect the same way or, you know, they’re not in the same life experience.

And so that was kind of the original,

Darlene Dryer: you’re

Barb Bickford: that, you know, I was going with. I didn’t, there was no pressure. We’d love to have any replant wives join it. It is a closed group, because some of the, you know, prayer requests might be of sensitive nature. So we want to make sure that it’s, we respect people’s privacy.

So there are a couple of questions you have to answer simply, you know, is your husband a replant pastor? So your answer is yes or no. If your answer is yes, then where are you replanting and, share where you’re replanting. And then that’s all you have to do to get in the group. And we ask people that, you know, some people have a husband wife page.

We ask that they, if they’re going to be in that, and you have a joint page, that you just create your own page, even if it’s just to be in that group. Just to, protect, you know, privacy and that kind of thing. But yeah, Darlene has done a great job, coming in and, and, like she said, breathing new life into it.

we have, we connect more with, events that we have coming up and things like [00:09:00] that. So it’s been good. It’s been a good revival of

JimBo Stewart: So when you say replant wives, does that, are they just in a, strictly in a replant or can a wife of a revitalization pastor join this group as well?

Barb Bickford: absolutely. Absolutely. Sorry. Replant was our context. And that’s just what the word that I always use. But yes, replant wife revitalization wife. Absolutely.

JimBo Stewart: Yeah, that’s what I’m excited about is honestly, early on, that was the focus of the replant team. But over the last several years, we’ve been allowed to broaden our scope a little bit and bring in revitalization because there is so much that Venn diagrams into those experiences that allows us to share those same resources for replanters and revitalizers.

And so I’m really grateful y’all have put together. this Facebook group. What are, without breaking any confidentiality, ladies, what are maybe one or two wins or celebrations that you go, man, this is why we did the Facebook group. Like this is [00:10:00] good.

Audrea Stewart: just having a place where, You can come and say, Hey, I’m really struggling with this particular, you know, XYZ and then having other ladies from across the country say, Oh yeah, me too. And I see you and I hear you, just being vague so I can protect, you know, privacy things, but then also. Outside of that, some of the wins have been, Hey, has anybody ever done vacation Bible school on a budget?

Do you guys have any ideas? You know, what can we do there? Or has anybody had any issues with insurance or, Oh man, we’re having a big fight over bylaws. Has anybody ever had that struggle? And so having practical advice, and then, just a sisterhood of women who get it, and answers to, from people who would understand because the context really is, so different, versus, other ministries.

And so just having other ladies who can give, you know, sound advice or know that, you know, women from across the country are praying for you, specifically.

Darlene Dryer: Yeah, I think where [00:11:00] you said across the country, it, it, The reach is so much larger with this Facebook group than our own like association or state convention Um, so we the the reach I think for us for me is a win. I’m like, oh my goodness We have connected somebody from oklahoma somebody to massachusetts and they are now communicating I think that Is the win for

JimBo Stewart: So talk to us then how that evolved into, the website and the blog and the podcast and a book. And I mean, you guys have, I mean, once you added that, that dominant leader, you guys really took off and launched into a whole lot of stuff, didn’t you?

Audrea Stewart: absolutely.

Darlene Dryer: Well, I must, I just keep repeating it. This is Audrey and Barb’s brainchild and it’s their vision and they are, they’re the driving force of all of this. and I just kind of kept the ball rolling and when they have an idea, I just. I get it started, for them. I will also be very transparent and say, I also don’t have tenacity.

So like I get the [00:12:00] ball rolling and we keep going and then I’m like, all right, girls, I’m done. And they’re like, no, no, no, no. We are going to edit that one more time. And I’m like, ah, you’re killing me. Um, and so they have the tenacity to finish the project and to finish strong. So we all work really well as a team.

it’s their brainchild. They have visioned it. I get the ball rolling and then they finish it real strong. So. That the Facebook all of these resources that you’re saying is theirs. I’m just you know, the person with the prod and

What we wanted is we needed a place for everything to land our facebook group is closed like barb said and we needed a public forum and Again, we needed reach.

And so we went with the website. and the website is where everything lands and lives and and a lot of that is just redirecting them to our NAM resources. we don’t want to forget, that the North American Mission Board, this is their heart I don’t know, you guys have worked so long and so hard.

So, For those resources, we just want to push them back to, to NAM as well and those resources.

The website has our [00:13:00] blogs, our podcasts, and our conferences. That’s the other thing is that getting people to be face to face is going to be key. And so right now we’re really pushing the SBC convention in Indiana and trying to get people to connect while they’re there.

and just furthering connections.

Audrea Stewart: would I like to say to you? Like we’ve got, uh, It’s not just me and Barb and Darlene on this team. We also have some other fabulous members of our team. as well.

Jeanette Pew, Joyce Jackson, Kathy Addis. And again, just like replanter wives are spread out. So is our team, all the way from the East coast, to the middle of the country. Like we’ve, we’ve, we’ve, North, South, where we got you, and then also just ministry context as well, like years in, Southern Baptist world and then some newbies and just, I, I love all the voices that are being included, on our pages and on our resources

Darlene Dryer: Yeah, and I’ll just piggyback on that, Andrea, our context. So we have Cathy Addis in our rural, so she speaks it to the rural. We have, Jeanette, and she is our [00:14:00] urban Woman who can speak into that world. And then we have Joyce Jackson who has been in dam for over 40 years. So she keeps us on our toes and keeps us in line with that aspect.

So we have the team all put together and everybody has their specialty and it just melds really quickly, to make something so nice and refined. Uh, we were trying to put together a gift for all of our replant wives. And the first one we did, we sent out Starbucks cards to all of our participants and.

Some people are like, well, you know, we have to drive kind of far for a Starbucks. I was like, okay Well, let’s see the next one that we could do. What about a Chick fil a? And everybody’s like, yeah Chick fil a sounds good and Kathy’s like I have to drive like three hours to a Chick fil a And I’m like girl, so me too.

I live in Key West. I don’t even have a classification for where I live But just because we are such a diverse group of people it really refines what we can offer because we are thinking about all the people and where they’re at, what their context is. So it’s really just been a fun group of ladies to work with.

And I feel like our products that we are coming out with, our resources that we’re coming out [00:15:00] with, can be applied or are applicable to everybody. So we’re not just pigeonholed into one category.

JimBo Stewart: I appreciate you guys pointing to all the other ladies on the team, but the reason you three are on here is to point to a specific resource that you three are a part of, which is the podcast. So talk to us about, how the podcast came to be and what the purpose of the podcast is and where they can find it.

Barb Bickford: I’m trying to remember how we, I feel like we first started, we were kind of joking about it. It was kind of like, well, Bob and Jimbo have a podcast. We should have a podcast. And it really was kind of a funny thing at first. And they were like, Hey, we actually, we actually should have a podcast because, the replant bootcamp is a great resource for replanting pastors.

And I, I also do contend it’s, it’s helpful for the wives, but to have other replant wives talking about You know, things from our perspective, just hits a different way. And, so we, I don’t know, we just kept talking about it and then we’re like, we [00:16:00] got to do it. And of course it was Darlene, you know, she came in and she’s like, all right, we’re going to do it.

I’m going to learn this. So you had to learn the whole,

Darlene Dryer: Let’s just say technology is not my friend, and we had some obstacles or barriers to come over, but hey, we

Barb Bickford: know it was, you did it great. Like as if you already knew what you were doing. And so it’s been great fun.

Audrea Stewart: Well,

I think the feedback we’ve got, you know, sorry, we keep talking over each other. That’s what you get on the podcast too. You’re welcome. No. No, no, no. That’s all right. so much. Well, I mean the feedback that I’ve gotten from people is like wow It’s like literally sitting down with three friends and feeling like you’re part of the conversation and like I said over the years, Darlene and barb have been so helpful to me and pointing me to christ in those moments where Honestly, sometimes I was really ready to give up and so if you get to listen to our episodes That’s I think that would be the prayer of all three of us is that you feel like you are sitting around the table Talking like going back to that parking lot conversation [00:17:00] and like we’re just holding on to your hand saying a friend me too Normalizing you and just saying please don’t give up because at the end of the day Even though it’s hard this really can be the best job in the world And that’s that’s something that darlene often reminds me

Barb Bickford: have

Darlene Dryer: Well, and I think I, my heart is, I already said this once, is counseling, right? And how can we take that format and make it applicable to everybody? And you don’t counsel somebody through writing them, you know, blogs or sending them to a face, like a website that there’s like not as much accountability, with that because it’s all on their end.

Right. And so we wanted to make it more. So like, if we could get everybody into the same room, that would be ideal, but we can’t do that. So what is the next best thing to create an environment where it’s like we’re all sitting in the same room? And the podcast was the answer for that. and I really feel like we are producing that, well, in the format that we do is we write the blog and we are taking turns writing blog [00:18:00] series and different, Ideas and then we take that and that is the base for our podcast.

So it’s like the blog 2. 0 We take it and sometimes we refer it back to the blog. Sometimes we don’t but the idea is behind it is that each one of those blogs are specific to Replant One, has scripture in it, too, and and three is what are they going to do now with it? So,

it, you’re not, you’re not allowed just to read something and move on. It’s, you’ve read something, you’ve heard about it, now what are you gonna do with it? And

JimBo Stewart: I think resources like that are so helpful. I know for Audrey and I, in that kind of year three moment where we felt alone and like Barb was talking about, she felt like she had to have been the only replant pastor wife that existed. There’s kind of, there’s kind of this moment where you feel that way.

And if nothing else, one of the very small things we get to do in the replant team and what. You ladies are doing with your team is just go, Hey, you’re, you’re [00:19:00] not alone in this. You’re not the only person experiencing this. You’re not the only person that has dealt with this difficulty. You’re not the only person that has had these weird thoughts.

You’re not the only person that has gone through this. We’re here and we went through this together. And so sitting and listening to some podcasts early on and things like that for Audrey and I, it helped us know that we had a tribe of people. And I think. You ladies are serving that purpose with all of the resources that you’re doing.

And so I’m incredibly grateful that y’all have taken this from the Facebook group way to the next level with all of the things that you’re doing. And then most recently, this has led to an actual book that we are giving to some Replant Pastor Wives, Revitalization Pastor Wives. Talk to us about that book.

Barb Bickford: Well, we thought that it would be a really, helpful way, we’ve kind of talked about different avenues of what, what would a book look like, what would [00:20:00] be helpful. and so our book is, 52 ways to pray for your replant husband. so basically the idea is you have. One prayer per week, you know, whether it’s Sunday morning, you’re praying this prayer for him or Saturday night.

and our format was that you can kind of go through it. There’s a little,

Darlene Dryer: do, and

Barb Bickford: You can choose, you know, it’s not like a chapter book. You’re going to choose whichever prayer, maybe he’s going through something regarding friendship or maybe he’s discouraged or, whatever the case may be. you can look up a prayer under those specific, you know, whatever the topic is and pray a specific prayer for him.

Sometimes, you know, We don’t really know what to pray for our husband, so we are hoping this is kind of a, you know, starting point, a kickoff point. Use this, pray this prayer over them, and then it hopefully will spur you on to pray other prayers over your husband. But, like, prayer is the foundation of all you do in replant.

so, this is the first book that we [00:21:00] wanted to come out with to, to help women. Just come alongside them and say, you know, here’s a way that you can really support your husband, and it’s You know, as a result, your church, the kingdom, your family. so yeah, that’s kind of where we’re headed with that.

Audrea Stewart: what I love about this book too Is it was written by The six of us who are from all different contexts all different parts of the country who are all dealing with the same things You You know, friendships are hard. Discouragement is hard. Finances, kids, all these kinds of things. so each of us, took five or six, passages, weeks, I guess, and wrote these prayers and then also specific ones for holidays.

and so you’ve got many different voices, but you’re. You’re all together on this journey together. you’re Yeah.

trying to serve the kingdom in the same way So

Barb Bickford: talking

Darlene Dryer: The book was quite organic, and I feel like, our very organized administrative people on our team were very frustrated because I laid it out this way, I said, I just want everybody to pray for their husband this week and write down your [00:22:00] prayers. Just pick five. I just, whatever. And they’re like, well, what, what on what, what’s the topic?

What kind of scripture do you want? And I was like, just pray for your husbands and then we’ll see what the result is. And so at the end, I think I gave you more than a week. And at the end it was. We had like seven different categories. It was all across the board different scriptures and it was the most beautiful thing when it all came together because it was truly What replant wives were praying over their replant husbands and we pulled all of that together and made this book and So there wasn’t a lot of, direction necessarily to begin with, but it was really awesome to see the Holy Spirit just move through each one of us and what we are struggling with and what the joys are.

The second thing that I really loved about the book and seeing what everybody was praying over kind of goes with one of my missions for Replant Wife.

Barb Bickford: I’m

Darlene Dryer: I don’t want

the industry or the ministry to be ho hum and eeyore like. Like, this is so hard. This is a [00:23:00] lot of suffering. This is a trial. we need healing and the trauma that I have and there’s church hurt.

While all of that is very true, I want to bring out, this is joyful. This is a journey. This is worth it. we are front seats to seeing, people confess their sins and be saved. And we are redeeming churches for God’s glory and turning it from a negative connotation to a positive one. And to see these prayers come out talking about joy and encouragement and friendships and just seeing the positive sides of that.

So reframing, the journey from like, couldn’t you’ve picked somebody else Lord to, uh, I am so thankful that you have chosen me and saw that I was worth worthy of this. You know, Mary had an opportunity when the angel came to her and said, Hey, God has chosen you she could be like, are you kidding me?

No way. I am not doing this But she said your will be done and she was blessed over and over and over again And so kind of pulling that out and I feel like the [00:24:00] book does does that it’s not like Here’s a book to pray over your depressed husband. It’s here’s a book to draw out the joy and the encouragement and to lift him up when he does get knocked down.

So that was, that was a very big bonus for me with the book.

Audrea Stewart: absolutely because honestly if we can encourage the wives to stay and to be an encouragement to the husband He’s not going to give up, And to remind them again that this really is a sacred privilege You Are allowed to, you know, walk with the people and, keep this lampstand from going out.

And so, it’s, it really, it’s hard work, but it’s worthy and it’s holy. and we can have joy on the journey.

Barb Bickford: Absolutely. And

Darlene Dryer: does a great job of describing this, when he talks about the athlete and finishing the race. and he’s like, okay, an athlete, I’m paraphrasing, obviously, but the general idea and the philosophy is an athlete prepares and he also trains and he doesn’t wake up every morning wanting to [00:25:00] train, but you have the end goal in sight.

So you train anyways, whether you want to or not, and then you get the crown, the wreath of like the athlete. And sometimes it’s, it’s not a physical crown, but it is something that, God does within your heart through the sanctification process that you’re like Wow, that was epic and I just I i’m just thrilled to be able to kind of have that lens for the women

JimBo Stewart: This is so helpful. And so you should be able to find all these resources at replantwife. com. And, um, I would highly encourage you listeners. I hope fellows you made it to the end of this podcast episode. I hope you shared it with your wife, as a encouragement and point to resources for her.

that she can join the Facebook group and benefit from the blog and the podcast and the book and everything else. And so, last thing I would ask is, would one of you, be willing to just pray over the wives of these replant and revitalization pastors that are listening to this [00:26:00] episode?

Darlene Dryer: I think

Audrea Stewart: Heavenly Father, thank you so much, for these sisters in Christ. Lord for their willingness to serve in hard places, Lord for their sacrifice, and Lord I just pray for them for what you are doing in their own hearts, um, Lord, it’s not a surprise to you that they were called to this assignment, Lord, and you have them exactly where they need to be, for their people, but then also for their own sanctification purposes.

Lord, I am praying for the work that you’re doing in their heart. just show them, The work that you’re doing, uh, just to bring them closer to you. Heavenly Father, Lord, let them be an encouragement to their husbands and to their children and to their people and Lord, and do not let them grow weary in doing good in your name.

I pray. Amen.

Darlene Dryer: I knew you were the right one to pick, Audrea. Thank you so much.

JimBo Stewart: ladies for coming on to the podcast.

Barb Bickford: you, Jimbo.

Darlene Dryer: Thanks, Jimbo. Bye.

Audrea Stewart: Thanks.

Audrea Stewart, Barb Bickford, Darlene Dryer, first lady, lifting him up, pastor's wives appreciation month, prayer, replant wife, spousal perseverance, wife, Wives

Jimbo Stewart

Replant Bootcamp Co-Host

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