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The Church Dies Without Discipleship (Part 1)

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Note: This is Part 1 in a 2-Part series on Barriers to Discipleship.

All Revitalization is Discipleship

During a conference, I heard Bob Bickford say, “All Revitalization is Discipleship.” At first, I didn’t know what that statement meant. I had read a lot of books on revitalization, and discipleship is always a part, but it sounded like he was boiling down discipleship to be the main factor in all church revitalization.

But the more I thought about it and worked with churches, the more that I discovered that statement to be true. No, discipleship is not the only thing involved in a church revitalization, but it certainly is the underlying factor.

How can this be true? Consider what discipleship is and what happens in a declining church. Is a Church not declining in numbers because in some way, they have failed to continue growing and maturing in Christ? Perhaps the conversation of “discipleship” has become boring for many. In 1980, Eugene Peterson wrote a book called A Long Obedience in the Same Direction. This classic book on Discipleship was originally rejected by 17 publishers. It wasn’t “new” or “exciting” enough, but it was a needed book, rooted in the realities of the Christian life.

I was working with a church recently that has gone down to about 10 people, whereas 40 years ago, they were averaging closer to 80. After our team met with theirs, we saw one of the most glaring reasons why. The church has had one baptism since 2005, that’s one baptism in the past 17 years.

The church was not reaching their community, they were not doing evangelism, they had become stagnant where they were. But discipleship beckons a life of following Christ, continually. And just as God sanctifies believers, he also sanctifies his church. In Philippians 2:12, Paul says to “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.” This means that there is something on our part when it comes to working out this faith in our lives. God sanctifies us, but we also have a part to play.

The same can be said true of our local church. When we stop growing in Christlikeness, we begin to fall apart. It’s true in our life as much as it is in the church. 

And Luke 9:23, Jesus gives us a good definition of Discipleship. He says “If anyone wants to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me.”

This type of denial means that we sacrifice our desires, our wants, and our preferences, for the sake of following Jesus. This verse implies something that Paul picks up on later on in Galatians. That is that our desires (in the flesh) are actually set at odds with God’s desires. And that the desires of the flesh are against the desires of the spirit (Gal. 5:17).

This denial of self must be practiced in our churches, if we desire to grow in Christ. 

Still in following Jesus, we face many barriers along the way. But it’s difficult to overcome those barriers when we can’t define them. Thankfully, Walker Armstrong was a guest on the podcast this week and gave several ways we can identify barriers to discipleship. Think about these closely, and seek to identify them in your own church.

Barriers to Discipleship

#1. Human Ego

In the book, The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness, Tim Keller quotes Paul in 1 Corinthians 4:3, “But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself.” Keller argues that this was a totally unnatural view of self. Quite frankly, one needs the Holy Spirit to think of himself this way. It’s not that Paul thought of himself less, it’s that he didn’t think of himself at all. 

Human Ego naturally gets in the way of everything God wants to do in us and through us. When we think too highly of ourselves, it prohibits us from growing in our relationship with Christ. Likewise, in a church that wants to revitalize, the pastor, leaders, and members must do all they can to humble themselves and realize that it is not all about their image or reputation. If the end goal of a Church Revitalization is a changed trajectory of a congregation’s spiritual life, that begins by following Christ’s plan for his church again. It won’t happen until we deny ourselves. 

Just to recenter and focus back on its origins, it helps to ask this question: “Who does the Church belong to?” Here is Jesus’ claim: “I will build my church, and the gates of hell will not prevail against it” (Matt. 16:18). In Colossians 1:18, who is the head of the body, the church? Who is the chief shepherd that gives the crown of glory in 1 Peter 5:4? In Revelation 2:1, who is it that holds in his hand the seven stars and walks among the golden lampstands? The name of Jesus Christ is on the deed of our churches. And no affidavit can transfer that title to us. 

Paul said in Philippians that you must “have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus…” and he explains how Jesus emptied himself, became a servant, and humbled himself to the point of death on a cross. Jesus could have brought all attention to himself and escaped the accusations of religious leaders and Roman authority. Instead, he willingly brought himself low, and as a result, He is now exalted.This is the type of humility we are to have in a Church Revitalization or Replant. This humility actively denies self for the greater purpose of exalting Christ.

#2. Spiritual Consumerism

Another great barrier to real discipleship in a church is spiritual consumerism. The past generation has seen a wave of church growth techniques and resources to help churches grow a mile wide in numbers, but often an inch-deep in spiritual maturity. The sentiment is often to “get people’s foot in the door,” and immediately engage them with entertainment. Draw them in, and allow people to slowly learn about the love of God and the gospel. 

I do not want to be too cynical. There are surely good and meaningful tips that can come from this advice. Many walk in the doors of church with aesthetically pleasing decor, catchy music, and a pastor with the latest clothing line and shoes. Some would never walk in the door of a smaller church because of personal preference. Indeed, some churches are “fishers” and some are “catchers,” to use a fishing analogy. I believe it can even be helpful to have a sanctuary and music that is appealing, an enjoyable worship experience, and a place for plenty of activities and events for kids and students. 

But if a church is more focused on production and entertainment than spiritual maturity and depth, the numerical growth can be more of an unfortunate illusion. Churches that use entertainment as a replacement for gospel-saturated discipleship are not going and making disciples, they are going and appealing to consumers. 

Where did this model come from? It did not come from New Testament Church principles, but American Culture. If we look at how the New Testament church grew, we see that it grew by adding and by multiplying. (1) How did the Jerusalem church go from 120 persons to over 5,000 (Acts 2:41, 4:4)? It was simply the clarity of the gospel, the power of the Holy Spirit, and the favor of God’s hand. People got saved, and immediately were brought into the church family. (2) How did the New Testament Church multiply? They multiplied by being committed to the word of God, and by being obedient to the faith (Acts 6:7). This is what biblical discipleship looks like: commitment to the word and obedience in the faith. In Matthew 28:20, Jesus says, “teach them to observe everything I have commanded them.”

Spiritual Consumerism is dangerously close to prosperity-gospel theology. The method of easy-believism is to have people believe in you or appreciate you at a superficial level by tickling their appetite with things that appeal to the eye. But pure charisma and entertainment can not turn a dying church around. I would venture to even say that the growth that often takes place in churches like this creates the illusion of God-glorifying life and vibrancy. When in actuality, it exposes the difference between a believer and a disciple. Anyone can believe in God, even the demons do (James 2:19). But where are the followers? The disciples? 

Perhaps a litmus test is necessary to determine whether or not a church is focused on biblical discipleship or spiritual consumerism. As Paul said in Galatians 6:7, “whatever one sows, that he will also reap.” Therefore, we can determine the main focus of a church based on the type of disciple that this church produces. Believers who come to church to be entertained and leave with no life change have been visiting a church that is more focused on production than the gospel. But a disciple who not only hears the word of God, but does it, and one who is actively growing in Christlikeness, is part of a disciple-making church.

#3. Organizational Complexity

This may be one of the most important, practical barriers to overcome, especially in a re-plant situation. Every church has a few sacred cows, programs and ministries that they’ve held onto for years. 

I remember attending a church once, and there was a new member class afterwards. I decided to go out of curiosity to see what the church was about. For a couple of hours I learned all about the different ministries and programs of the church, but I never once heard what was the mission or the vision of the church itself. I left with a great confusion about everything that the church offered, but never understood the purpose or driving force of this particular church body.

I believe this type of problem persists in many churches that have focused on programs and ministries. For many years, oftentimes without remembering the reason why they first began, churches added ministries on top of ministries. But in a replant or revitalization, simplicity is key. With organizational structure, the best thing a revitalizing church can do is get to its bare bones and focus on fellowship, worship, evangelism, discipleship, and unity.

We understand it can be difficult to recommend changes like this. However, it is important for the church to understand the complexity of structure. Would we rather run 12 ministries decently, or run 4 ministries extremely well? How can we be most effective and fruitful for the Kingdom of God? These are questions for churches to ponder. 

There are other barriers to discipleship in a church, but I will give some others in a “Part 2.” If you think your church is in danger of closing, take this church health assessment. This self-assessment is meant to help assist you in determining the current state of your local church. Another way to get started is by taking an introductory course that will help anyone understand what church replanting is and how it provides hope for dying churches.

two people in crucial conversation

Talking through Conflict- How to Have Crucial Conversations that Lead to Lasting Change

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text messages that ask to talk and then disappear

“We need to talk.”

Have any four words ever caused as much anxiety as that tiny phrase? The conversation that follows that phrase is usually something serious, and whether it’s an email from your boss, a phone call from a church member, a text message from your child, or a late night conversation with your spouse, the “fight or flight” response that kicks in after those four words is almost immediate. As someone who is typically “conflict-averse,” my immediate response is usually to think, “No we don’t!”

But not every conversation is a “crucial” one. Some are just standard, ordinary conversations about schedules and budgets and the minutiae of the day to day. So what moves a conversation from an “ordinary” one to a “crucial” one? And why should we work through the crucial ones? Wouldn’t life be easier if we just avoided conflict and dodged difficult discussions?

What We Have Here is Failure to Communicate

On the most recent episode of the Replant Bootcamp Podcast, JimBob2 worked through this very issue, using the book, Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when Stakes are High by Joseph Greeny, Ron McMillian, Kerry Patterson, and Al Switzler as a guide.

In short, a crucial conversation is one in which 1) stakes are high, 2) opinions vary, and 3) emotions run strong. This isn’t a conversation about which episode of “The Office” is the best, or which movie to watch– this is a discussion with real consequences. Sometimes, you can prepare for these. You plan to meet and discuss the topic with the other person. But many times these conversations come up unexpectedly and we’re caught off guard.

Crucial conversations can be really hard to navigate for three reasons:

  1. We don’t have a plan in place to handle them. When we are confronted with one, our instinct is to react negatively, whether that is to shut down or to lash out.
  2. We have a tendency to look at the “inciting incident” that precedes the conversation and forget about the past. If someone said, “Erin didn’t get the snacks for our small group tonight like she was supposed to. She’s irresponsible,” you might immediately agree. But if you look at my past history, you would see that I am not usually forgetful and you might find that there was a budget issue or another reason that I didn’t get them. Thinking about the person as a whole and not just the inciting event can sometimes uncover ministry opportunities instead of a negative confrontation.
  3. We look at the symptom and not the root cause. If my husband and I are having some “intense fellowship” regarding our budget, we might be tempted to look at our most recent purchase and blame each other for whatever has placed our account in a tenuous status. But that’s just a symptom. Overall, the budget may need to be adjusted for many reasons out of our control, like inflation or unexpected, large expenses. If we focus on the symptom, it becomes too easy to lay blame and not actually work to resolve the issue.

We Don’t Talk About Bruno

no talking allowed written in kid's writing

The animated musical Encanto was released in late 2021. One of the songs became an immediate hit, spawning many of us (adults and kids alike) to mindlessly hum and sing, “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” everywhere we went. (I found myself humming it in Target and the lady next to me joined in. We had a concert for a full minute. It was awesome.) In the movie, the family avoided talking about their family member, Bruno, because he was a difficult subject for them.

Many of us can relate. “We don’t talk about Hymnals,” or “We don’t talk about Budgets” could be the next big hit at our churches. We don’t want to enter into difficult conversations because the confrontation it will bring feels like it just isn’t worth it. But while crucial conversations are crucial, they don’t have to be catastrophic.

When we are faced with a crucial conversation, we must keep the end in mind. What I mean is, when the stakes are high, opinions are conflicting, and emotions are strong, we must remember Romans 12, especially verse 18: “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Our end goal should not be to “win,” whatever that looks like. Our goal is to move forward from the conversation in peace, toward a productive and helpful outcome for all parties involved, regardless of who the conversation involves. I’ve had crucial conversations with my kids where I knew they wouldn’t like the outcome, but moving away from the conflict and toward resolution kept me from damaging our relationship.

One mistake we often make in crucial conversations is what the book calls the “Fool’s Choice.” We tend to think the end result has to be “either/or.” In other words, I either can solve this problem or we can be friends, but I can’t do both. Not only is this thinking foolish, there is no freedom in it.. The quickest way to de-escalate the tension of a crucial conversation is to state your motive at the beginning. Realize that the end result is that you still want to live peaceably with this person and to love this person as a brother or sister in Christ. “Either you get on board or we can’t have a relationship,” sounds much different than, “I want us to be on the same page so that we can continue to be friends and co-laborers for Christ.”

So how do we transition our response to crucial conversations from our natural instinct (fight or flight) to a more peaceful and helpful outcome? We have to take a moment of self-evaluation and ask ourselves some questions:

  • What is taking place inside of me at this moment? Is this triggering something in me? Look at your body’s response– are you feeling hotter, is your voice rising, are you crossing your arms and getting into a defensive position?
  • Why am I feeling this way? Is there something in this conversation that is causing me to feel defensive and angry?
  • What story am I telling myself right now? Is this really an attack on me or is that just my emotional response? What are they actually saying and what do I think I’m hearing?

This might require you to take a quick break from the conversation. Even a quick break of 15 minutes could give you time to self-evaluate and see what you need to do to move forward with a better frame of mind. If there is time, you might have someone else (outside of the conflict) pray with you. If a quick break isn’t an option, try to relax your face and your breathing by quickly counting to ten. One of my worst character traits is that my face shows everything I am thinking, even if my words don’t. I often remind myself to smile or to open my eyes a bit wider or relax my jaw in tense moments, because otherwise I can offend someone without saying a word.

The Problem with Heroes and Villains

two men opposed in conflict

I have a spoiler alert for you: You’re not the hero of your story… But you aren’t the victim, either. When we are in a crucial conversation, we often resort to thinking of ourselves in two lights: Either we are the hero of this story and we must be strong and take control, or we are the victim and everyone else is a villain out to get us.

The truth is, Jesus is the hero. When we lean on Him to walk us toward productive and peaceful resolutions, we aren’t scared to ask for advice, or to think of criticism as instructive. Who we are isn’t based on our ability. We have a hero, and we don’t have to do this on our own. He is in that conversation with us, and He can speak through us.

We also aren’t always victims dealing with a villain. There are certainly times when there is one person who seems to make it their life’s mission to find fault with you. But just because that happened with that specific person, doesn’t mean it’s happening again with another person. We have to look at that story we’ve told ourselves and realize that our enemy isn’t flesh and blood (Eph. 6:12).

The next time you are faced with a crucial conversation, I invite you to take some time to reflect on your role in the story you tell yourself. Remember, a crucial conversation is an opportunity for Christ to be at work among you!

two conflicting signs, one to agree, one to disagree

How to Navigate Church Conflict

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Mapping your way to successful resolutions

A fun fact about me is that I am terrified of frogs. I don’t know why, or when the fear of frogs started. I just know that when I get near one, something in me is convinced that the frog’s mission in life is to jump on my face. I break into a cold sweat and walk to the other side of the street or sidewalk to avoid them. I don’t think they’re cute, and no, you can’t convince me otherwise. I feel similar feelings about snakes, but snakes aren’t typically going to jump on me and I am 100% CONVINCED that the frog will. We live beside a pond, so the spring and summer months are basically full of me zigzagging around the neighborhood in an effort to avoid frogs lying in wait to pounce on me while I take my dog out for a walk.

As scared as I am of frogs, there is something else that prompts that same “fight or flight” response for me: Conflict. I am what some might call “conflict-avoidant.” For me, conflict triggers the same response that frogs do– I break out into a cold sweat and start looking for a way to get around it. I just want to be through it as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately for me, conflict in ministry is as inevitable as the frogs in my neighborhood. It’s not a matter of “if” we experience conflict in church, it’s a matter of “when.” Sometimes the conflicts are simple, a small matter easily resolved. But some conflicts are bitter and hard, and they can leave us wounded and weary as we seek resolutions.

Our initial response to conflict can be very revealing of who we are as a person. There are those like me, for whom conflict is uncomfortable and frightening. We may have grown up in a household where fighting was common, or where showing emotions was not acceptable (either extreme can lead to conflict avoidance). Or you may be someone who looks forward to conflict as an area where you can assert yourself or your ideas. But something we should remember is that when we are faced with conflict, we are often reduced to our natural, self-destructive sin nature.

Knowing how to manage our conflicts is the key to seeing conflict properly– not as something to be afraid of, but instead as something to embrace. Too often, we think of conflict as a sign that we are failing. “If I was doing better, I wouldn’t have these issues,” we think. But the truth is, conflict can be a sign of health! In fact, handled correctly, conflict can provide us with great opportunities for spiritual growth and relationship building.

fingers pointing at each other

The Starting Point for Handling Conflict

On the Replant Bootcamp podcast this week, JimBob2 walked through what it looks like to handle conflict appropriately with the help of Michael Hare’s book, When Church Conflict Happens: A Proven Process for Resolving Unhealthy Disagreements and Embracing Healthy Ones. As a church conflict consultant, Hare has helped hundreds of people resolve conflicts in a healthy way.

Hare describes conflict in three categories:

  1. Unhealthy conflict- this type of disagreement often goes unrecognized until interpersonal disputes and church factions arise
  2. Benign conflict- this usually occurs because of organizational deficits and oversights that are unintentional
  3. Healthy conflict- disagreements that are recognized, acknowledged, and responded to in a biblically constructive manner.

When we are presented with a conflict, the most helpful question isn’t “what are you fighting about?” Instead, we need to look for the root of the disagreement. It’s not about the carpet color being changed, it’s more likely about the memories associated with the carpet or the fear of change in general. When we seek to understand the underlying emotions, we are cultivating a better church culture. Hare writes, “The manner in which church leaders respond to conflict sets the tone for the entire congregation and either provides a godly example of the ‘ministry of reconciliation’ or pushes conflict under the surface causing all kinds of trouble both in the present and in the future.”

Most of the time, in addition to the emotions of those involved in the conflict, we also bring our own bias into the equation. When we mediate a conflict, are we looking for compromises that won’t provide lasting resolution? Are we rushing to judge each person instead of listening to both sides? Are we responding with empathy, always keeping in mind Ephesians 4:15 and speaking the truth in love? Are we focused more on the unity of the body than on personal preferences? Emotions run high during conflict, and we must remember that our emotions are at work just as much as anyone else’s.

When we begin from a place of empathy and understand, we are responding redemptively. Hare describes this as something that isn’t natural for us– we have to train ourselves to begin at this point. He writes, “Learning to respond redemptively requires intentionality and discipline; it doesn’t happen naturally. We must be self-aware enough (with God’s help) to recognize when dangerous circumstances arise and be engaged in training ourselves in godliness so our immediate response becomes Christlike instead of defaulting to our old natural, sinful inclinations.”

Demystifying Conflict

Hare believes one of the ways we become better at mapping out conflict is to “demystify” it, or to remove some of the “unknowns” regarding conflict. Hare writes that conflict typically happens within 5 overlapping areas:

  • Intrapersonal: the conflict going on inside the individual person, a spiritual or emotional battle.
  • Interpersonal: the conflict between two people
  • Intragroup: the conflict within a group
  • Intergroup: the conflict between two groups
  • Structural: something within the organization that creates conflict.

When we are looking at a disagreement, we can typically see where this is happening and address each area accordingly. Hare uses the example found in Acts 6 to illustrate this overlap. In the disagreement among the Greek and the Hebrew widows, we see the apostles acknowledging the interpersonal and intrapersonal conflicts and responding with action. They didn’t avoid the conflict; they addressed the issue and found a way to continue the mission of the church.

Another key way we can “demystify” conflict is to look at potential structural causes for conflict. Many church disputes stem from disorganization within the systems of the church. (One group reserves a church vehicle for a conference only to find out another group takes an annual trip to the mountains that same weekend and have never had to sign out the vehicle.) Sometimes bylaws (or the lack of them) can cause misunderstandings. If you’re mediating a conflict between two groups or two people, it can be helpful to recognize areas where your church’s structure has contributed to the dispute and address those to avoid it in the future.

a chasm divides two sets of people

Kingdom Mindsets have Kingdom Resolutions

In resolving conflicts, we must move from a mentality that says “either/or” to one that says “both/and.” Using Acts 6 as an example, we see that the Apostles weren’t looking at the conflict as “Greeks versus Hebrews.” They didn’t feel like one group was more important than the other or that one group was better than the other. They found a way to say both groups are vital and we have to make sure that we are continuing the work of the Lord and making sure the needs of these people are met.

When we look with a Kingdom mindset, we are seeking the kingdom of God over our personal preferences and petty differences. We are looking not just in the best interest of our specific church, but in the best interest of God’s Church, the Bride of Christ. We are recognizing that we love the church too much to allow disputes and conflicts to gain a foothold in our unity and potentially drive a wedge between us.

Our ability to properly map out a conflict can mean the difference between an angry argument or a biblical resolution. Take time today to think about the most recent conflict you experienced. Would you handle it the same way now that you know how to map it out?

(There are multiple resources out there to handle conflict, but one that I found helpful was this list from NC Baptists of 20 ways to resolve church conflict.)

Traits to Change

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Cycles of Personal Growth

“I’m working on myself,” is a common phrase people say when they want to start improving something about their physical appearance, their emotional state, or their daily activity. The personal goals we make for ourselves change over time, and we all personally go through phases of decline, plateau, and growth (sound familiar?). Like the Life Cycles of a Church, our goals also have life cycles.

Last year, I made it my goal to lose some weight. I started a diet at the beginning of the year and had some great success with it for about two months! Then, I started getting busy…very busy. I lost the energy and motivation to continue because the progress I had made was adequate. So, I started reintroducing foods/drinks that I had previously been abstaining from. By the end of the year I was facing some depression and lost some motivation to continue, and even gained some of that weight back. The last phase is when we recognize that we need to “jump back on it,” and the cycle starts over.

In ministry, church leaders ought to be looking for ways they can improve their leadership. In another podcast we learned about some traits of a godly leader. Our life navigates us through learning, growing, and improving. This is not only our desire, but it is God’s desire through the Holy Spirit at work in us. The Holy Spirit has been given to us as a gift, to lead and guide us, to convict us of sin, and to give us boldness to be a witness for Christ. It is through the Holy Spirit that God wants to sanctify us.

Sanctification – In Every Christian Life

The word “Sanctification” is related to our growth in conformity of Christ. God uses people, places, and the Holy Spirit to move us towards being set apart or holy. The Bible says, “Consecrate yourselves, therefore, and be holy; for I am the LORD your God. Keep my statutes, and do them; I am the LORD who sanctifies you” (Leviticus 20:7-8). 

  In the book How Does Sanctification Work? David Powilson says this: “The Christian Life typically lurches forward rather than marching uniformly in a straight line.” We were meant to grow.  No matter what your goals are for self-improvement, we all need to recognize that change is coming – and we should be prepared for it. God’s sanctification will guarantee us that change will either happen with our willingness or without it. 

I cannot tell you how many times in my life that I have suffered through a situation and questioned God, only to look back years later and realize how it produced a Godly trait in me.We are fortunate to know that we can learn from men and women in the Bible who sought some of the traits we will talk about in this blog. Speaking of biblical examples, Powilson also says, “I am convinced that our understanding of the process of the Christian life is greatly enriched by considering multiple mundane examples, both in Scripture and in our lives.” 

Case Study: Paul’s Maturation

One of the ways we see this is in the life of Paul. Paul was not a perfect man. When Christ encountered him on the road to Damascus, it changed his life forever. But there was still some “renewing of the mind” that had to take place. When we meet him in Acts, he had been changed by Christ and started pursuing the apostolic call on his life. However, clearly Paul struggled with sin. 

In 1 Timothy 1:15, Paul said, “This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: ‘Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners’—and I am the worst of them all.” He also explained his wrestle with his fleshly desires vs. the desire he had to serve God (Romans 7:13-25). But we also see his growth and maturation in his writing. Paul seemed to much more gracious and calm in the progression of his letters to the churches.

Galatians was likely Paul’s first epistle. And you can clearly tell the difference between his first epistle and his last epistle. See if you can tell the difference:

1:6 I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting him who called you in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— 7 not that there is another one, but there are some who trouble you and want to distort the gospel of Christ. 8 But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed. 9 As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed.

Compared to his last letter: 2 Timothy 1:

3 I thank God whom I serve, as did my ancestors, with a clear conscience, as I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day. 4 As I remember your tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy. 5 I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. 6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, 7 for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Now, I’m not saying that the Galatians didn’t deserve Paul’s rebuke. But if you do a deep case study on the writings of Paul, you will see that as he progressed and wrote these epistles, he became more graceful, more patient, and more sympathetic over time. A great resource on studying this is N.T. Wright’s Paul: A Biography. 

Traits to Change

No matter what you do for your own self-improvement, you will encounter hardships. But Jimbo and Bob have done a great job identifying the 5 traits that are necessary if you hope to change anything about yourself. Most attempts of self-improvement will fail, if you do not possess the following characteristics. Here they are, with a brief description of each:

Humility

Humility means acknowledging that you have room to grow and that others have something to offer. We can see the importance of humility in biblical passages such as Ephesians 4:2, James 4:10, and 1 Peter 5:5, which all emphasize the importance of humility. Bob notes that humility is the first touchstone for personal development and that being humble doesn’t mean thinking less of oneself, but rather thinking of oneself less. He warns against assuming that one’s presence alone will fix everything and emphasizes the importance of recognizing one’s weaknesses and inexperience.

Teachability

Teachability involves being open to learning from others, even those who may not have as much experience as you. The second ingredient for personal growth in replanting and revitalizing a church is teachability, which is built upon humility. Teachability involves being willing to receive feedback, instruction, and correction, even if it is painful. Proverbs 13:18 and Proverbs 9 emphasize the importance of heeding reproof and instruction in order to become wiser and more skilled. Without teachability, growth is impossible.

Self-Awareness

Self-Awareness requires honest assessment (Romans 12) of your strengths and weaknesses, as well as your goals and motivations. Having a realistic assessment of your strengths and weaknesses, as well as an understanding of how others perceive you, can help you make more informed decisions and pursue growth opportunities that align with your abilities and interests.

Integrity

Integrity is about being honest with yourself and others, avoiding excuses, and owning up to mistakes. It’s important to be honest with ourselves and others about our progress and performance, and not make excuses for our shortcomings. When we take ownership of our mistakes and take responsibility for our actions, we demonstrate integrity and earn the trust and respect of others. This is especially important for leaders, who are expected to set an example and inspire others to grow and improve. By being honest and owning our mistakes, we can become better versions of ourselves and gain the support and trust of those around us.

Check out Your Future Self Will Thank You by Drew Dyck for more on self-control.

Initiative

Finally, initiative is the willingness to put in the work required to grow, taking action rather than waiting for others to prod you into it. If you want to grow, these ingredients are essential, and there are many resources available to help you develop them.

Personal development and growth require a combination of these five ingredients: humility, teachability, self-awareness, integrity, and initiative. It’s important to be honest with yourself and others about your progress and to take responsibility for your actions. And ultimately, growth requires initiative and hard work, putting in the necessary effort to achieve your goals. There are many resources available to help with personal development and developing good habits, but ultimately, it’s up to you to take the first step and put in the work.

For more information, check out the Godly Leadership series on our podcast, and read Eric Cofield’s excellent blogs on the 5 Traits of Godly Leaders.

A tray of paint sits on a table for renovation

Your Perspective is Limited- Here’s How to Change That

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Your Perspective is Limited- Here’s How to Change That 

In September of 2022, our oldest son was called to be a Youth Pastor at a church in Alabama and moved out of our home in South Carolina. We waited the prerequisite 6 months before we decided he probably wasn’t coming back, at least not to stay.  So this weekend we decided to paint his bedroom and turn it into more of a “guest room” space. 

When he lived there, his room went through several transitions as his tastes changed. So yesterday, when we started the process of repainting the room, we knew it would need a little work.  There would be a few holes to patch– just a couple of areas that probably needed putty and sanding.

But then we turned on the lights, took down some old décor, and started patching… And oh how wrong we were. See, what we couldn’t know was that these walls were covered with one hundred different holes as a testimony to his ever-changing decorations. Posters featuring athletes or video games had been hung with sticky tape a decade ago. Pictures and notes from his time as a camp staffer had been thumbtacked all over the room. Floating bookshelves that were meant to hold a few trophies had strained under the weight of old textbooks and pulled loose from the wall. And at one point, he hung old skateboards on the walls with screws and nails.

A wall being patched in prep for painting

This is the ACTUAL room in my house.  It looks like we have decided to polka-dot it with putty. There are hundreds of tiny holes, and a few large ones that will require sheetrock repair. There is so much work to be done just to simply prep it for painting that the room may never actually get painted.

Sometimes when we begin replanting, we have the same issue– we don’t see what lies under the surface.  This limited perspective means we don’t know how much we need to do to merely prepare for the process of changing.

lines to show perspective in art

The Fourfold Panorama

In one of the first Replant Bootcamp episodes, JimBob talked to Keelan Cook, the designer of the Fourfold Panorama for Replanting Churches.  This tool is invaluable to replanters as they begin the work of bringing life back into their church.

Keelan notes there are three things that churches must know when they decide to begin the process of discovery that leads to revitalization: The Biblical Mission of the church, which is unchanging, the congregation itself, which may be different from where it was at its start, and the context in which the church exists, which is ever-changing.

The problem in most churches is that the pastor typically only knows and can articulate one of those perspectives.  It takes a unique, multi-perspective approach to know where the “holes in the wall” really exist.

In his fourfold panorama approach, Keelan states: “Churches exist to bear witness to the glory of Christ through the making of new disciples from all nations. In order to do that, two big categories must be considered: the local church itself, and the context they are attempting to reach. Too often, people attempting to revitalize, plant, or replant a church do so with an eye on only one of these categories. That is always a recipe for disaster. It may, in fact, be why the church is in its current shape. It is possible to polish up a church real nice, and due to a lack of contextual understanding, create the fanciest obstacle to the gospel in a particular neighborhood.”

Many pastors and churches are simply “nose-blind” to their condition.  They think they know how their church is viewed within the congregation and the community, but in reality, they may not “smell” as good as they think. What I mean is, sometimes we see ourselves the way we aspire to be, but an assessment from outside perspectives might prove that evaluation to be false. In order to begin collecting data for this assessment, a church must ask itself: Do the activities of the church match the needs of the community?

As Keelan points out in the podcast, “a community is more than a geographical location-it is also a moment in time.” Instead of thinking of your community like a rock in the field, think of the community more like a rock in the current of a moving stream– the surrounding community is most likely drastically different than when your church began and you’ll need to “exegete” the community in order to know the needs of your community and how to meet them.

Glasses shown to clear perspective

The Four Perspectives You Need

In order for the church to begin a proper assessment of its current condition, some outside sources are necessary.  You’ll want to get someone’s unbiased, external viewpoint to help you begin the process.  Your local AMS or DOM is beneficial, but you could also ask a trusted pastor from a different church.  You’ll also need members of your church on the team. Your team needs to be as diverse as possible, filled with new members, longtime members, and potential members. You may even want to include the perspective of members who’ve left the church and gone elsewhere.

For the fourfold panorama assessment of the church’s condition, you need to consider four angles (or perspectives), and you’ll want to consider several sources for each.  First, you need the perspective of your church, both inside the church and outside the church.  Then, you need the perspective of the context (or community) in which your church exists, both from the inside and the outside.

The insider church perspective is looking for signs of life in your church.  They are looking to answer questions about the vitality of the church, spiritually, financially, relationally, and missionally. In the fourfold panorama approach, this information is found through church data like budget, bylaws, and its annual profile, and is typically something you can find through interviews and surveys of your current membership. Some questions this perspective is answering are:

  • Does the congregation exhibit a vibrant faith, spiritual maturity, a commitment to prayer, and a love for God’s word? 
  • Does the congregation love one another? Is there a spirit of unity, or does the congregation exhibit signs of deep division? 
  • How are the church’s finances? Does the congregation still give and steward its money well? 
  • Does the congregation demonstrate a genuine concern for the lost? Are they attempting to make new disciples, especially in the church’s immediate community? 

The outsider church perspective is searching for the reputation and witness of this gospel community. In other words, how does the outside world see the church? This is found through visitor surveys, asking other area pastors, and your AMS. Some questions this perspective is answering are:

  • How do people in the community describe the church?  
  • Do visitors think the facilities are substandard? Do they think the church is closed? 
  • Does the church have a reputation for being divisive or friendly?
  • What, if anything, do outsiders know about the church’s message?
  • Do people think it is a Bible-believing church that loves people?

The outsider context perspective is searching for demographic and cultural data for the community where the church is located. This is found through census data, chamber of commerce information, even area websites. Some questions this perspective is answering are:

  • How do members of the congregation view the immediate community where the church facilities are located? 
  • What are the populations and demographic trends? 
  • How do community leaders attempt to present the community to outsiders?

The insider context perspective is, according to Cook, often the most challenging to obtain. This perspective attempts to understand how the actual community residents view themselves, their community, and the world around them. It can be found through community interviews with business owners and residents around the church. Some questions this perspective is answering are:

  • How do the residents view the community where they live? 
  • How do the residents describe themselves and their worldview? 
  • Are there competing narratives in this community? For instance, has gentrification created two opposing communities in the same location? 
  • What is the spiritual and emotional climate of the community?

Patching the Walls

Once you have a proper assessment of the true condition of your church, you will find there are  places where you may need to repair some damage.  This may be within the church in the form of reassessing your programs and your missional vitality to your community.  As the shepherd of your church, it would be helpful to remind your congregation of the unbelievably beautiful calling of the Great Commission and to issue a call to rekindle their love for the community around them. You might have to have some difficult conversations about change and adaptation, and you may experience some of the Emotional Cycle of Change (see Podcast Episode 126 for details) as you guide your people through their fear or their reluctance to change.

You may also need to repair some damage in your community.  Your church’s reputation may be smudged, and you might need to make some apologies for past behavior.  There may be areas where the church will need to repent of its resentment toward its surrounding community and you will need to foster love and hospitality within your membership.

This work will be hard.  But in the end, it will be worth it.  Your church will have a new canvas, ready to be filled with the next great chapter of your church’s history.

Resources:

Keelan Cook’s Fourfold Panorama Assessment Tool

https://replantbootcamp.com/wp-content/uploads/PND_-Fourfold-Panoramic-Assessment.pdf

Mark Hallock’s Replant Roadmap

https://www.amazon.com/Replant-Roadmap-Congregation-Revitalize-Churches/dp/0998859729

Bob Bickford and Mark Hallock’s Pathway to Partnership

https://www.amazon.com/Pathways-Partnership-Replanting-Movement-Replant/dp/0999418149/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=pathways+to+partnership&qid=1677342997&sr=8-1

Ministry for the Layman

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Correcting a Common Misconception

For most of my life, I believed that the word “ministry” was only defined by the spiritually elite among us who go to Bible College and seminary and get degrees and names on a piece of paper. When I attended the Baptist College of Florida, my idea of ministry was solely vocational. I came to understand something my freshman year of Bible college. Preparing for ministry wasn’t about getting paid and starting a career. Ministry is the activity of God’s work for every believer. I was taught how to be a missionary in everyday life, outside of being a “pastor.” I realized that ministry is not just for vocational leaders. It’s for every saint.

At its foundation, I had a misconception of the role of a pastor. I thought he  did all the work of ministry. After all, isn’t that what he gets paid for? Our society reassures this thought process with the American system of vocation: you only do the work you get paid for. If I worked a maintenance job and was fixing the A/C at a store, and they asked me to go to the front and ring up customers, I’d be surprised at the question. I would say, “I don’t get paid for that.”

But God’s economy and the role of the church is a bit different from our American system of vocation. Pastors and leaders haven’t always done a complete job explaining the role of church members and ministry for all the saints. Also, some lay members have bought into a lie in the American church today: we pay people to do the work of the ministry so we don’t have to. This has resulted in the inactivity of members for the work of ministry. In order for us to grasp what ministry looks like for the layman, we must first ask the question, “What is the role of the pastor?”

Equipping the What?

Let’s look at a familiar passage of scripture where Paul talks about the role of a pastor and the members, or “saints.” Ephesians 4:11-13 says, 

“11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.”

Question 1: Did God call pastors, teachers, evangelists to lead in the body of Christ? Yes, absolutely. But he called them for a purpose: that they would equip the saints for the work of ministry and build up the body of Christ. Based on this simple passage of scripture, I believe a pastor has two major roles: (1) to equip the saints for ministry and (2) to encourage the saints (building up the body).

Question 2: So, is the pastor supposed to do the work of ministry? The answer to that is yes. But not just because he is a pastor. It’s because he, also, is a “saint.” Other passages of scripture talk about the role of a pastor as it relates to the work of ministry. See Acts 20:28, 1 Timothy 3:1-16,  2 Timothy 4:2, Hebrews 13:17, and 1 Peter 5:1-14. However, there is a lot of overlap between the ministry of every saint and the ministry of a pastor, such as the “Ministry of Reconciliation” in 2 Cor. 5:16-20. 

Some would object. Question 3: “Isn’t ‘saint’ talking about extra-spiritual and super-religious Christians?” No, my friends. The word “Saint” refers to every born-again believer who has been saved from their sin and in relationship with God. 1 Peter 2:9-10 says, 

“9 But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. 10 Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.”

The reason we are called “saints” is not because of our righteous acts, but because of what Jesus did on our behalf. He died to make us a holy, set apart people. That is what the word “saint” means. 

Pastors, Use Your People

“I’ll just do it myself,” is a common phrase we hear ourselves say, especially serving in a Replant or Revitalization. No matter what our misbelief is about church members, we think it would just be better if we did it on our own. But if we are called to equip the saints, this means we have to let go of some of our control and give others the opportunity to lead in a variety of ways.

In the process, we may find out that there are some lay members who are gifted, skilled, and adequately able to do far more than we can. God has spiritually gifted each member in some type of way, and it’s our responsibility to help members engage with God’s work both in and outside of our churches.

I am not a Replant pastor, and I’m not in a leadership position at my church right now, other than teaching a Connect Group. As an Associational Leader I work with the churches and pastors in our area. We have a Church Development Team at the Association. This team has gone through the Replant Training together, and none of the 5 members we have on the team are pastors. Instead, we have an engineer, and superintendent of a shipyard, a pastoral-intern, an artist, and a stay-at-home mother. 

What does God require of those he uses for His glory? Skill-set? Ability? No, God desires to use those who make themselves available for His great kingdom work. 

Let Go and Let Them Lead

While it may require some oversight at first, pastors should feel comfortable letting go and letting lay members lead in different areas. There are times where church leaders feel the need to wear every hat in the church, sit in on every committee, and have a voice in every church matter. This type of micromanaging is more harmful than you realize. It’s time to step back and allow others to manage different areas.

A Replant or Revitalization may not have the funds to hire someone who is a seminary-trained, ordained pastor. The usage of laity is essential. As church leaders, we need to recapture what it means to help members identify their spiritual gifts, and put them to work…which is a different blog for a different day. Use lay leaders in children’s ministry. Use lay leaders in youth ministry. Use lay leaders in worship ministry. Use lay leaders in missions and outreach. Use lay leaders as greeters, ushers, and partners in ministry.

Martin Robinson, former president of Formission College, once said, “A missionary church cannot rely on the professional ministry for the primary work of mission. The role of the laity is critical because it is the lay members of the church who have the greatest contact with those who are outside of the normal structures of church life. In such a situation the task of clergy is not so much to engage in mission themselves, as to support the laity in their mission.”

letters form the word Integrity

Integrity in Leadership- Part Five of the Godly Leadership Series

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stamped letters create the word integrity

This is part five of a series of five on the characteristics of Godly leaders. Part one, Humility, can be found here, Part two, Goodwill, can be found here, Part Three, Empathy, can be found here, and Part Four, Respect, can be found here.

For the past five weeks, we have studied the traits of a Godly leader and the qualities we must have to fulfill God’s calling. This week, we end the series with a characteristic that builds on the other four: Integrity.  Integrity is the direct result of having humility, goodwill, empathy, and respect for others– but without integrity, none of the others will do any good.

Failure to Stand

In structural engineering, one of the most important aspects of architecture and building is structural integrity.  Without it, a building can be destroyed if a disaster strikes.  

In Ancient Rome, an entrepreneur named Atilius set about to build a new amphitheater for patrons to watch gladiator competitions. Atilius was wealthy but opted for a quick and cheap construction.  At its completion in 27 AD, the Fidenae Amphiteater was set to hold 50,000 spectators– but due to its lack of structural integrity, the amphitheater collapsed under the weight, resulting in the deaths of over 20,000 people.  The integrity couldn’t support the demand.

As replant pastors, we must remember that a lack of integrity won’t show up in the good times of growth and revival.  As Carey Nieuwhof writes, “‘Normal’ doesn’t really test your integrity.   Crises do. But when a crisis comes, it’s often too late to fix what’s wrong. The damage is happening in real-time.” This is the problem with a lack of integrity– you won’t know you lack it until you need it.

building with crumbling foundation

Godly Integrity

Thankfully, God is not silent when it comes to this subject.  God’s word speaks directly to the topic of integrity so that we can remain “structurally intact” in times of crisis.

In Matthew 5:37, Jesus tells us, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.” In Proverbs 10:9, Solomon reminds us, “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out. And again in Proverbs 11:3, we read, “The integrity of the upright guides them, but the crookedness of the treacherous destroys them.” Both Job and David are praised by God for their integrity and their uprightness. In Titus 2:6-8, Paul reminds Titus to “Show [himself] in all respects to be a model of good works, and in [his] teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say” about them.

Imperatives for Integrity

There are five imperatives to be a leader with integrity. When we look at these, we have to be willing to examine ourselves and see where we are lacking. Without that examination, we run the very real risk that the next crisis will be the one that exposes our weakness.

  1. Authenticity: As Bob pointed out on the podcast, this word may need a bit of reclamation. Often when someone says they are “being authentic” today, what they typically mean is that they are comfortable with their sin. There is a lack of conviction that allows them to sink to their base level, whether that means using foul language regularly or being too rude in their speech. At our core, we are sinful people, so if being “authentic” means that you aren’t allowing God’s conviction to change you, it’s time to remind yourself that you are still being sanctified. If we look at what it means to be “authentic” in the biblical sense, it means you can be “authenticated” as to your ownership.  When people walk away from their encounters with you, do they feel you represented Christ to them?  Can they tell that God is the author of your life? Is there evidence to show that you belong to Him? Are you marked by the fruits of the spirit listed in Galatians 5?
  2. Consistency: Maya Angelou has a great quote on consistency. She said, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” It really speaks to the idea that we need to accept what people show us through their behavior.  But the inverse is true, as well– we are showing our teams and our congregations who we are through our behavior, too.  If you are habitually late to meetings, what you’ve displayed is that you don’t value your team’s time.  If you consistently fail to respond to messages or to do what you say you will, then you’ve shown others that you aren’t dependable and they shouldn’t rely on you. When you act differently at your vocational job than you do in the pulpit, your reputation is tarnished and you seem inauthentic to others. A leader with integrity is consistent with his behavior.   
  3. Tell the truth: This seems self-explanatory, but a leader with integrity has to tell the truth.  Like our structural engineering example, if our foundation can’t be trusted, we will fall.  All of us have heard stories of pastors whose private life proved their public persona to be a lie.  While they preached a good Word, they lived a lie of infidelity and abuse. Lying erodes trust.  If you can’t be trusted to tell the truth, then you can’t be trusted to lead well. When you lie, you encourage other people to lie to you, as well. Telling the truth keeps you accountable to others.
  4. Seeks feedback: A leader with integrity is looking for ways to grow and change.  They never see themselves as the smartest person in the room, because they know that everyone has blind spots to things.  By definition, a blind spot is something you can’t see yourself, you must ask others to help you. Proverbs 12:1 tells us, “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.” (Don’t get mad at me, God said it.) Leaders with integrity look for accountability.  I have a small circle of people that I trust to challenge me and help me grow.  Any one of those people have access and authority in my life to tell me when I’m headed in the wrong direction.
  5. Trustworthiness: If you look back at our journey through the five characteristics of Godly leaders and the five imperatives that go with each one, you will find that they all add up to this final character trait, being trustworthy.  Can your church trust you?  Can your spouse?  Can your team?  You may think immediately, yes, of course, but can I challenge you?  Ask them.  Ask them if they feel that you are trustworthy.  Do they feel that you have the integrity you need to withstand the strong winds and weight of a crisis?  Do they feel that they are safe with you as the leader?  (If they are too scared to answer the question, then they have answered the question.) 

trust and truth are spelled out in white blocks with black letters on them

Summing it Up

As we’ve studied the five characteristics of a Godly leader, we can see how each builds on the next. The fruit of godly leadership is best summed up by Ephesians 4:1-3. Paul says, “I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness (goodwill toward others), with patience (empathy for others), bearing with one another in love (respecting others), eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit (integrity) in the bond of peace.” (ESV, italics mine) 

When we look at these traits, we may be quick to assume we are doing well in each of them.  But I encourage you to remember that a crisis for your church may only be one phone call away. There is too much to lose to take these imperatives lightly.  We are in a battle for eternity, and when the battle gets intense, will we be left standing?

 

The Pitfalls of “Personality” Leadership

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Pride in Leadership

Recently, I began reading a book that has been deeply convicting my soul. The more that I read it, the more evidence I see in my own life of areas that I need to change…that I need the Holy Spirit to change me. This book is called The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness by Timothy Keller. In the book, he defines our culture’s incessant need for the inflation of our own ego, and talks about how the path to true Joy in the Christian life is one of humility and repentance of pride.

In this book, Keller defines our ego as empty, painful, busy, and fragile. The solution to an over-inflated sense of self worth is having a transformed view of yourself that only comes by the saving power of the Gospel and walking daily with God through the power of the Holy Spirit.     

This led me on a study through James where I have been teaching/preaching/writing over the past several weeks. And trust me, the podcast this week was just the icing on the cake. If we as pastors, leaders, ministers, etc. think that we can lead from the power of our own personality and ideas, void of the Spirit of God, we will accomplish nothing for God’s glory.

I believe that pride is the root of all sin. This is because all sin is self-seeking behavior, and all flesh is affected by sin in the world. We naturally have an inclination to inflate ourselves, exalt ourselves, and worship ourselves. This not only carries into our everyday lives, but also into our leadership positions. And I believe that pride is at the very root of the podcast episode this week: “Leading Beyond the Force of Personality.”

Sole-Dependence on Skills and Abilities

One of the characteristics of a productive organization is a charismatic leader. But it can also be a major pitfall. Organizations that are built solely on the personality of one person are not only problematic, but they are seriously dangerous. Last summer, I listened to another podcast, The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill. It’s a podcast that documents the rise of Mars Hill church to prominence and influence, but also the falling apart of the church after a series of bad leadership decisions. When this podcast first aired, it stirred up a lot of conversation about church leadership.

Some who were a part of the Mars Hill family only had good things to say about their time as members. Many more ended up leaving the church because of unhealthy leadership, bad relationships, loss of gospel standards, and a lack of clear communication. Some people were hurt because of an abuse of power. Listening to the podcast is a tragic story about how hard a church can fall when they have built their whole structure around one man’s personality. 

The reason why this type of leadership can result in failure is frankly because of the sin and pride in our hearts. Trying to lead solely based on our own personality is like telling God “I don’t need you,” while spending every moment wondering how a decision will impact your image. When this happens, we grow too dependent on ourselves and less dependent on God. Consider John the Baptist rephrasing his statement, like this: “He must decrease, I must increase!”

But we must remember what the word of God says: “Everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted” (Luke 14:11). 

Pitfalls of “Personality” Leadership

We all have a distinct personality that has been given to us by God. It naturally flows out of us as we make decisions and meet people where we are. Our personality is not a bad thing. However, our personality can sometimes get in the way of leading from a healthy place. Leadership by personality alone is not sustainable.  And while you may have a great personality that is approachable, lively, and full of charisma, people can often feel diminished by the strength of your disposition. 

Unfortunately, this type of leadership is the main reason for pastoral burnout. When we fail to incorporate others in decision making and lead from a position of narcissism (“I can do it myself”), we think that the success of our church or organization is dependent on our identity and persona. This is an interesting thought process, and one that comes from the flesh. Leading solely from our personality is so clearly wrong that the results are painfully obvious. Crashing and burning is just around the corner. We know in scripture that we may water and plant seeds, but who is it that gives the growth? God alone, friends. 

Here is a better alternative: we should humble ourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he will lift us up. Let the Spirit lead us, because the Spirit of God knows much more about how to honor God, than we do. The spirit is willing! The flesh is weak. 

One of the books I continually refer to is called Replenish, by Lance Witt. In the book, Witt sums up my thoughts by saying this: 

“We have neglected the fact that the pastor’s greatest leadership skill is a healthy soul. Our concentration on scale and technique and strategy has resulted in de-emphasizing the interior life. The outcome is an increasing number of men in women leading our churches who are emotionally empty and spiritually dry. It is the story of a neglected soul and mismanaged character. Of a slow drift into relational isolation. Of being seduced by ambition. These leaders didn’t intend for it to happen, but somewhere along the journey they stopped paying attention to what was going on inside of them. The shift was incremental and at times imperceptible.” (p. 19)

For God’s Glory Alone

You can use skills, abilities, and personality in your leadership position for God’s glory! But I think that doing this is easier said than done. It requires that we lay down our own ambition and pride, and we lead from a place of humility. Here is the biblical precedent for it: 1 Cor. 7:17, “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him.” For what purpose? To what end? “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all the glory of God” (1 Cor. 10:31).  If you want to lead from a place of humility, here are some practical ways we can do just that.

#1. Make much of Jesus in every leadership decision. Share about Him often, and make sure the mission or goal of your church reflects the mission of Jesus Christ. It’s about Him, not us! If we walk by the Spirit, we will not gratify the desires of our flesh. 

#2. Remind yourself daily that the church is not “your” church and the ministry you serve is not “your ministry.” We are shepherds and stewards; Jesus is the owner. 

#3. Work hard at praising others, not yourself. It’s better to be an encourager, not an overbearing manager. 

#4. Be interested in others, and incorporate others into your decision making while taking a general care in their lives.

#5. Don’t isolate, stay in touch with the people who are surrounding you in this ministry. God has put them there for a reason.

#6. Have regular, open accountability with others about your personal pitfalls.

#7. Remind yourself daily of the gospel and its impact on your life.

Cautions…About You

Always be Self-Aware

Look at the people around you. If there aren’t many, look at your wife and your family. Then, ask the hard questions. What are some ways that I’ve been slacking lately? Do you see any selfish ambition or pride in me? Can you help me see things about myself that I cannot see?

Always be Socially-Aware

How do your decisions affect other people involved in your ministry? Could it be said that you do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, and count others more significant than yourself? This caution is meant to cause us to look outwards, towards those around us.

Know when to Self-Regulate

One of the greatest things you can do as a leader is understand how and when to pull back and let others take the lead. 

To lead with humility, a good rule of thumb is to take Paul’s words on humility and put them in the context of leadership. I’ll paste the words here from Philippians 2:1-8

“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

For more information on this topic, see the books I referenced: The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness, Designed to Lead, and Replenish. See this week’s podcast episode here.

Definition of Respect

Respect in Leadership- Part Four of the Godly Leadership Series

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R-e-s-p-e-c-t

This is part four of a series of five on the characteristics of Godly leaders. Part one, Humility, can be found here, Part two, Goodwill, can be found here, and Part Three, Empathy, can be found here.

My husband started his ministry as a Youth Pastor.  We loved working with youth.  We found them to be hungry for the Gospel and for truth, and we genuinely enjoyed their goofy immaturity, especially as they tried so hard to be “adults.” We learned so much from the youth we served, but one lesson specifically sticks with us: the difference between positional authority and relational authority.

In positional authority, you have a person’s respect because of your position in their life.  As adults, we are used to this authority because most of us have employers who are in the position to speak authoritatively in our lives. Many of us were also raised by parents who expected this type of respect. But in this generation, there is more value placed on relational authority, where a person’s respect is based on your relationship to them.  You can’t speak authoritatively in their life unless they value your relationship with them.

We had many adults who volunteered in youth ministry who felt that the youth would respect them because they were parents or teachers, or simply because they were older– positional authority. But what we found is that teenagers responded much better to relational authority.  We could earn their respect and the ability to speak truth in love to them when we had a relationship with them.  Without it, we were just another adult annoying them with rules and expectations.

Watching this generational switch showed us something: leaders have to show respect to others before they can ever earn the respect of others. 

Find Out What it Means to Me

Thankfully, God is not silent on the issue of respecting others.  In Romans 12:10, Paul tells us that not only are we to love one another, we should “outdo one another in showing honor.” (ESV, italics mine) We are to respect each other more and more, almost as though respecting each other is a competition we are seeking to win. In 1 Peter, Peter tells us we must respect not only the good and gentle, but also the unjust (1 Peter 2:16-18). And in Matthew 22, Jesus himself instructs us that the greatest commandment is to love God, but the second is to love your neighbor as yourself. 

Mankind is made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27), so when we are respecting others and honoring them, we are respecting Him. Thus the inverse is true– when we disrespect others, we have disrespected the image of God in them. This goes not only for how we treat people with our actions, but especially how we treat people with our words.  Ephesians 4 reminds us that we are called to “bear with one another” in an effort to always strive toward unity.  When we disrespect others through gossip or slander, we have failed to speak only what is “good for building up” and what gives grace to those who hear us. We must remember that respecting someone isn’t just about our treatment of them when they are around us, it’s also how we speak about them when they aren’t present.

two men shaking hands

Take Care (TCB)

In case you can’t tell, I haven’t been able to write this blog post without Aretha Franklin demanding respect in my head. I have always wondered what “TCB” meant, and after doing some research I found out it was her shorthand for “take care of business.” So here’s where we as leaders take care of the business of respecting others. There are five imperatives that we must follow if we are going to show the respect to others that we must as Godly leaders.

  1. Honor Others–  When someone leaves a conversation with you, do you think they felt honored? Did you respect them as a fellow Christ bearer?  Did you treat them with kindness or did you dismiss them with arrogance? A leader who shows respect to others will seek to serve others. How are you serving your team?
  2. Open Communication– Be intentional about how you speak to others. Your words have power, so what are they saying?  Are you respectful in how you speak to people? In a recent podcast, Bob pointed out that honoring someone can even mean speaking in a way that honors their expectations toward change. While a visionary leader may want to say, “Let’s do XYZ,” someone who respects others will say, “What do you think about XYZ?” Communicating in a way that honors the opinions of those around you is a way to show that you respect their ideas.
  3. Disagree Productively– While you will certainly have times that you disagree with people, respecting them means that you remember the end goal is always unity. Romans 14 and 15 give us Godly ways to disagree with someone without disrespecting them. Instead of responding to disagreements with personal attacks, we need to ask questions and seek to understand why the other person sees it differently.
  4. Help Others Win– When we respect others, we value what they value.  We don’t merely cheer them on, we actively encourage them, assisting in their ideas and goals where we can.  We get excited when they win, not jealous or bitter.  We respect their passions and hobbies.  We show up for them.
  5. Express Gratitude– The people you serve in your congregation aren’t there because they have to be. While you do have positional authority as the Pastor, you must also cultivate relational authority by remembering that they have chosen to be a part of the church family that God is creating.  You respect that choice by being grateful for them and for their contributions. Express that gratitude in various ways– not just verbally, but in writing or in small tokens of appreciation.

Respect- Just a Little Bit

George Foreman once wrote, “Without appreciation and respect for other people, true leadership becomes ineffective, if not impossible.” It’s not enough to merely have positional authority as Godly leaders.  We must build relationships on mutual respect to be able to be effective leaders who can speak the truth (in love) to our congregations. We must learn to treat others the way we want to be treated, giving them grace and honoring their story. 

Leaders who lead from a place of authority lead people to fear them more than respect them. True respect comes when a team can come together as a family and can acknowledge each person’s value within it, even when they disagree. 

For further reading on Respect as a Godly Leader, see Designed to Lead by Erik Geiger, this episode of the Replant Bootcamp podcast, and this article on the need for Pastors to respect their congregations.

definition of empathy

Empathy in Leadership- Part Three of the Godly Leadership Series

Written on .

Empathy

This is part two of a series of five on the characteristics of Godly leaders. Part one, Humility, can be found here, and Part two, Goodwill, can be found here.

Have you ever taken a spiritual gifts test?  I took one early in my spiritual journey. While I was excited that I scored well for the gifts of exhortation and teaching, I was shocked to realize I scored very low in mercy and empathy.  Out of a possible 100 points, I scored a FOUR in the gift of mercy. A FOUR. It doesn’t take a math wiz to realize that a 4 out of 100 would be a failing score on any test.

I asked a mentor if she could help me understand how I could be gifted at exhortation (insinuating that I am an encourager by nature) but score so low in mercy and empathy and she put it this way: 

Two people are walking one day and see a third person stuck in a deep pit.  The person gifted in exhortation calls down and says, “Hey!  How’d you get stuck in this pit?” The person answers, “I’m not sure.  I’m just here and can’t get out!” The Encourager says, “Hang on! I can help!  I’m going to go get a ladder so we can get you out!” When she comes back with the ladder, two people are in the pit.  She calls down, “Hey!  Why did you get in the pit with them?” And the other person says, “Well, I saw they were alone and I knew I could help by sitting with them in the dark.” 

My mentor said, “You are the person getting the ladder.  You have sympathy and want to fix the problem. But the person who crawls into the pit with them?  That person has empathy.”

I knew I needed to develop better empathy skills if I wanted to lead like Jesus.  In a recent Replant Bootcamp podcast episode, JimBob discussed this invaluable characteristic of a Godly leader and the difference it can make in the life of a replant pastor.

The Definition of Empathy

There is pushback in some circles toward the idea of “empathy” toward others in a pastoral context.  We seem to sometimes equate it with “acceptance” of a person’s actions.  Unfortunately, this not only mis-defines empathy, it misses an important aspect of mercy in our ministry to others. Empathy, by definition, is not ignoring the actions that brought someone to where they are– it is putting yourself in their shoes and feeling their pain as though it were your own.

Some of us have also equated empathy with sympathy. But, again, we miss the definition of both when we conflate the two. Sympathy says, “I’m sorry this is happening to you.” Empathy says, “I am with you in this pain and this is happening to us.” Sympathy allows you a lesser sense of involvement because it allows you to stay removed from the pain of another person.

A third definition is helpful here, too, when we look at empathy.  Compassion is empathy in action.  You are so motivated by the pain of someone else that it moves you toward action. This response can be difficult for those of us who were never shown compassion from our parents. If the reply to your pain was an exasperated parent saying, “Well if you hadn’t done XYZ, then this wouldn’t have happened.“ Or “get over it. You’re fine,” you are going to find it very difficult to come to a place of empathy with others. Likewise, if you had a very emotional parent who made your pain more about them than about you, you will likely have a hard time dealing with being empathetic toward someone else’s emotional pain. You have not had empathy modeled for you, so it will be hard to understand why you need to give it to others. 

highlight of compassion in the scripture Mark 6:34

The Demand for Empathy

While all pastors should practice empathy as they counsel and work with the people their team, replant pastors have a unique role to play as they serve.  In a replant, there are likely to be two issues that demand we respond with empathy.  The first is the propensity toward change in a replant.  In a separate blog and podcast, the Replant Bootcamp team discussed the emotional cycle of change.  As you guide your church through transformation, empathy helps you seek to not only understand negative pushback toward change, but also to navigate through someone’s emotional response to it. The second issue a replant pastor faces is the need to reach the community around them.  The experiences in the surrounding community may be very different from your own.  Your response to their pain must be from a place of understanding and empathy.  People who are hurting need to hear and know that you care and have compassion for them so that they can hear the hope of the Gospel.

This isn’t a new idea.  This characteristic of compassion and empathy is modeled in the way Jesus saw and ministered to people.  Jesus repeatedly felt compassion toward people and moved to action by his care for them. 

In Mark 1:41, the Bible tells us Jesus was “moved with pity” as he healed a leper. In Mark 6:34, he “had compassion for them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd and he began to teach them many things.” In Mark 8:2, Jesus states that he “had compassion for the crowd, because they have been with me now for three days and have nothing to eat.” He then directs his disciples to feed the crowd. In Luke 7:13, Jesus heals the widow’s son after having compassion on her and saying, “do not weep.” And in both the parable of the good Samaritan and the parable of the prodigal son, Jesus states that the character’s actions came from a place of compassion and empathy for the person in need.

Jesus consistently treated people with empathy, and his compassion moved him toward action. He didn’t condone their sin or become frustrated with it.  He simply cared about them enough to show them grace and mercy so that they could hear and receive the ultimate answer to their needs– the Gospel.

one man comforts another man

The Development of Empathy

Fortunately for me, failing in the area of mercy and empathy doesn’t have to be a permanent position. Empathy is a skill any leader can develop with time.  There are 5 ways that you can become more empathetic toward the people you serve:

    1. Be fully present. The people you serve need to know that they are important to you. Give them your full attention.
    2. Be an active listener. Engage people and actively listen to their stories.  You may want to put your phone down and exercise curiosity. Ask about their perspective and their background.  What led them to this moment?  What experiences have they had?
    3. Suspend judgment. Seek to understand where someone is coming from before you make judgments about them.  Remember their experiences have informed their emotions and actions, and their experience may be different than yours.
    4. Create compassionate understanding. Before you attempt to “solve” an issue, try to understand the other person’s perspective on it. Be compassionate as you try to help them move toward resolution.
    5. Practice proactive caring. Meet the person’s needs as you’re able to, whether that’s being actively involved in meeting physical needs, or simply sitting with them as they need you.

When we practice Godly empathy, we are modeling Christ’s compassion for others.  To truly be a godly leader, one must be willing to sit with someone else’s pain the way He did.  Jesus allowed himself to be moved into someone else’s pain, even to the point of weeping with them or over them.

Sit in the pit with the person, and then crawl out together.  You’ll both be grateful you did.

Some resources on Empathy are this article by Daniel Harrison and this blog post by Scot McKnight.

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